Applicable lyrics: “What is your mission?” The game: Dolphins at Patriots The beer: Maineport Sugamamaness Brown Ale The result: Win, 38–10 The record: 14–3 The headline: “The tyrant needs attention to survive.” – Osees, “Glitter-Shot” The commentary: I’m old and predictable. New Osees album? Probably gonna be my favorite of the year, with few recent […]
Sinclair, Royale, Royale: “You have three magic genie wishes, what are you asking for?” The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale The result: Win, 25–22 The record: 2–6 The headline: “You’ve got Nazi fever!” – Osees, “Cassius, Brutus and Judas” The commentary: Google search results—reliable!—cannot confirm that John Dwyer sings “You’ve got […]
The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Hopothecary Sweepnman’s Flu(e) Fix Red Ale The result: Loss, 27–21 The method: Live via Paramount+ The record: 4–12 The headline: “They won’t come around—your king’s a cunt.” – Osees, “Intercepted Message” The commentary: First, I apologize for the four-letter-est of the four-letter words. It’s what a four- or […]
Week one The game: Eagles at Patriots The beer: Cambridge Amber Ale The result: Loss, 25–20 The method: Live via Paramount+ The record: 0–1 The headline: “You want the same thing every day, I’ll teach you love a different way.” – Kiss, “Sweet Pain” The commentary: So much hostility! Deservedly so, sure, but there’s “fire […]
Scene: it’s autumn. Route 1 along the North Shore (title case) of Massachusetts—rather, “Old Route 1,” to distinguish it from the stretch with strip clubs and furniture outlets and orange dinosaurs. The scenic portion with private schools and shuttered restaurants and blind intersections that almost kill you (truth). Radio: on. “Fire” by the Crazy World […]
Week seventeen The game: Dolphins at Patriots The beer: Great Rhythm Long Beach Lager The result: Win, 23–21 The method: Live via Paramount+ Week eighteen The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Twisted Fate My Promises Are Lies Tonight India Pale Ale The result: Loss, 35–23 The method: Live via Paramount+ The headline: “All the […]
Week one The game: Patriots at Dolphins The beer: Turtle Swamp JP Porter The result: Loss, 20–7 The method: NFL Game Pass NFL+ The knockout: Steelers win, 23–20 Week two The game: Patriots at Steelers The beer: Moat Mountain Boneshaker Brown Ale The result: Win, 17–14 The method: NFL+ The knockout: Packers win, 27–10 Week […]
The game: Patriots at Colts The beer: True North Midnight Snow Black India Pale Ale The result: Loss, 27–17 The method: Live via Paramount+ The headline: “Stand on rocks that once were buildings.” – Osees Thee Oh Sees, “You Will Find It Here” The commentary: Observe and rue what remains of a destroyed past, eh? […]
The game: Patriots at Jets The beer: Essex County Illume Pale Ale The result: Win, 25–6 The method: NFL Game Pass The headline: “Never hesitate to take a chump sucker down.” – Ice-T, “Ricochet” The commentary: Say what you will about the playmaking abilities of JC Jackson and the Doublemint-potential of Devin McCourty but a […]
Week sixteen The game: Bills at Patriots The beer: True North Wee Swally Scotch Wee Heavy The result: Loss, 38–9 Week seventeen The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Lakefront Eastside Dark Lager The result: Win, 28–14 The commentary: Where were we? Right: sub five hundred, no playoffs, Brady wins, Newton re-signs (not “resigns”). Sallah […]
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