The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Clown Shoes Lubrication American Black Ale The result: Loss, 34–31 The commentary: No pictures of my little girl will accompany losses, especially losses as ugly and perplexing as this. Deion Branch was invisible all day, and since he’s her favorite player she will be too. My boy Paul […]
The game: Chargers at Patriots The beer: Rogue Mocha Porter The result: Win, 35–21 The commentary: “Which beer are you having?” “Do you want me to drink the Mocha Porter?” “Yes.” “So you can have some?” “Yes.” “OK.” A’s re-ability to drink coincided nicely with the return of football, and I couldn’t refuse her since […]
Week one The game: Patriots at Dolphins The beer: Berkshire Saint of Circumstance India Pale Ale The result: Win, 38–24 The commentary: I’m calling this season “2011” even though it spills into 2012 because “2011/2012” is a little clumsy. I’m more bothered by it than you are. [Edit: How did I not yet resolve this […]
September 8, 1990 Dear producers of Big, How are you? Wonderful! Where can I find a fortune-teller robot? I’ve some challenges to overcome. Please ship to this address. Sincerely, Charles Napier (not the actor) 984970-6 September 8, 1990 Dear Men’s Adventure magazine, Are x-ray specs real? Are they harmful to the people you look at? […]
We put up the Christmas tree on December 22. Weekends came and went and weeknights were dark, cold and white-washed enough that it was too much bother. I enjoy the holidays but could muster neither the enthusiasm to carry an unwieldy box (fake tree alert!) up the basement stairs nor the patience to arrange the […]
The new café was beautiful and poorly built. One customer opened a display cabinet and the door came off in her hand, smacking her kid right in the face. No tip! A week later we’re still finding ball bearings. The time had come for a different address. Our old spot had its share of bad […]
July 31, 2004. Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra is traded (indirectly) for shortstop Orlando Cabrera and first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz. It was the strangest thing—a large group of us had collected at our friend Hector’s (false name) suburban backyard to celebrate his thirtieth birthday party. The news rolled out fast, someone probably shouting from the […]
Some observations from Sunday’s game before going all Patriots batshit: “Labor uncertainty” is the new “all-important third preseason game.” Please set aside all non-NFL-related uses of this phrase until a labor agreement is reached. How about Ben Roethlisberger? That’s three horrible Super Bowl performances, and finally one the Steelers didn’t win in spite of him. […]
The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Cody Unz Ya Altbier The result: Fuuuuuuck The commentary: I know nothing about football. Spending a week away from the game is a good way to deal with the end of your team’s season. I don’t know what I would have done without the Golden Globes—A. was all […]
The beer: Tetley’s English Ale The commentary: A relaxing, stress-free Sunday is nice for a change. I’m thankful the loudmouth Jets won last night because I’m watching the Ravens push the Chiefs around and I really want no part of them next week. (The week after that, assuming the Pats whoop the Jets, I wouldn’t […]
More Cream Please 