Quintessentially me: “Share five things you’re good at” The game: Giants at Patriots The beer: Definitive Contee Kölsch-Style Ale The result: Win, 33–15 The record: 11–2 The headline: “Gather the patriots like days of old! Have no regrets—soon the bodies are cold!” – Fifty Foot Hose, “Red the Sign Post” The commentary: I get the […]
The game: Patriots at Bengals The beer: Sacred Profane Smoked Dark Lager The result: Win, 26–20 The record: 10–2 The headline: “I’m gonna keep on doin’ what I’m doin’ till I can’t do what I’m doin’ no more.” – Isley Brothers, “Keep on Doin’” The commentary: You can only play the teams on your schedule […]
The game: Patriots at Buccaneers The beer: Riverwalk Pumpkin Porter The result: Win, 28–23 The record: 8–2 The headline: “Oooh, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s sooo goood.” – Donna Summer, “I Feel Love” The commentary: If Tony Romo is down to fuck then who am I to […]
The game: Browns at Patriots The beer: Fat Orange Cat Pumpkin Spice Latte Oatmeal Stout The result: Win, 32–13 The record: 6–2 The headline: “I see your number, it’s a flashing sign.” – Ty Segall, “Who Are You” The commentary: New England football is back and so too is Idiot Patriots Fandom, the kind where […]
The game: Patriots at Titans The beer: Liars Bench Pair of Pennies Czech Amber Lager The result: Win, 31–13 The record: 5–2 The headline: “Treason! Treason! The spectre looms again!” – Rainbow, “Kill the King” The commentary: “Kill the king,” you ask? I’m just riffing on my old Nashville Kings bit and celebrating G’s embrace […]
The game: Panthers at Patriots The beer: Von Trapp Schwarz Schwarzbier The result: Win, 42–13 The record: 2–2 The headline: “I’m gonna make them pay.” – Dead Meadow, “The Queen of All Returns” The commentary: On the subject of jobs, I think Marcus Jones’s as punt returner is pretty secure—put him in drag to make […]
It’s the Republicans, stupid: “What bothers you and why?” “This might be a June thing from now on.” Riiight. Remember when the blather published in the second half of May? Oh well, it’s not as if various current environments are changing on a daily goddamn basis. July is the new black and so is malaise. […]
Week nine The game: Patriots at Titans The beer: Notch Kölsch Cologne-Style Ale The result: Loss, 20–17 The record: 2–7 Week ten The game: Patriots at Bears The beer: Newburyport 110 Copper Ale The result: Win, 19–3 The record: 3–7 Week eleven The game: Rams at Patriots The beer: Night Shift Dunkel John’s Band Lager […]
Professional loser Donald Trump cares only about himself.
Sinclair, Royale, Royale: “You have three magic genie wishes, what are you asking for?” The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale The result: Win, 25–22 The record: 2–6 The headline: “You’ve got Nazi fever!” – Osees, “Cassius, Brutus and Judas” The commentary: Google search results—reliable!—cannot confirm that John Dwyer sings “You’ve got […]
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