The game: Patriots at Ravens The beer: Marshall Wharf Black Velvet Schwarzbier The result: Win, 28–24 The record: 12–3 The headline: “Nobody couldn’t do nothin’ once he let the brick go.” – Madvillain, “All Caps” The commentary: First, a public service announcement. Thee Mike Florio from Pro Football Self-Promotion is offering up his Big Shield […]
The game: Bills at Patriots The beer: Ipswich Red Dwarf Ale The result: Loss, 35–31 The record: 11–3 The Survivor: Savannah, 5–2–1 The headline: “Got mad and cried when you knew it was won.” – Tad, “Jinx” The commentary: That’s what happens when you go into the home stretch with a big advantage of then—ptooff!—you […]
Un-slack motherfucker: “Tell us one thing you hope people say about you” The beer: Camp Pennant Blackout Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout The record: 11–2 The headline: “It’s never been enough.” – Love Battery, “67” The commentary: People say? Reader(s) say(s)? Here it is: “That dude blogged every goddamn week of the season.” So far, so good […]
Quintessentially me: “Share five things you’re good at” The game: Giants at Patriots The beer: Definitive Contee Kölsch-Style Ale The result: Win, 33–15 The record: 11–2 The headline: “Gather the patriots like days of old! Have no regrets—soon the bodies are cold!” – Fifty Foot Hose, “Red the Sign Post” The commentary: I get the […]
The game: Patriots at Bengals The beer: Sacred Profane Smoked Dark Lager The result: Win, 26–20 The record: 10–2 The headline: “I’m gonna keep on doin’ what I’m doin’ till I can’t do what I’m doin’ no more.” – Isley Brothers, “Keep on Doin’” The commentary: You can only play the teams on your schedule […]
The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Boothbay Ken Brown Ale The result: Win, 27–14 The record: 9–2 The headline: “You’re like the ocean! Always in motion!” – Lyres, “Stormy” The commentary: It’s a funny thing to root for the Chiefs—especially so when the wished-for outcome might spell your doom two months early. Chiefs vs. […]
The game: Patriots at Buccaneers The beer: Riverwalk Pumpkin Porter The result: Win, 28–23 The record: 8–2 The headline: “Oooh, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s sooo goood.” – Donna Summer, “I Feel Love” The commentary: If Tony Romo is down to fuck then who am I to […]
The game: Falcons at Patriots The beer: Nonesuch River Irish Red Ale The result: Win, 24–23 The record: 7–2 The headline: “Automatic, systematic.” – Digable Planets, “The Art of Easing” The commentary: Listen. The Patriots are not going to win the Super Bowl. They’re not going to get by the Bills in the postseason, the […]
The game: Browns at Patriots The beer: Fat Orange Cat Pumpkin Spice Latte Oatmeal Stout The result: Win, 32–13 The record: 6–2 The headline: “I see your number, it’s a flashing sign.” – Ty Segall, “Who Are You” The commentary: New England football is back and so too is Idiot Patriots Fandom, the kind where […]
The game: Patriots at Titans The beer: Liars Bench Pair of Pennies Czech Amber Lager The result: Win, 31–13 The record: 5–2 The headline: “Treason! Treason! The spectre looms again!” – Rainbow, “Kill the King” The commentary: “Kill the king,” you ask? I’m just riffing on my old Nashville Kings bit and celebrating G’s embrace […]
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