The game: Saints at Patriots The beer: Von Trapp Bohemian-Style Pilsner The result: Loss, 34–0 The method: Live via CBS The record: 1–4 The headline: “Where do we go? Where do we go? Where do we go from here?” – UFO, “Rock Bottom” The commentary: Say what you will about Scott Zolak—I know I have—but […]
The beer: Earth Eagle Good Helmet Schwarzbier The headline: “This history lesson doesn’t make any sense.” – Built to Spill, “The Plan” The commentary: At Canobie Lake Park, a teenage boy with an alarming chest rash gathers among friends and wet towels. Nearby—too near, by accident—a man approaching fifty kills time on his phone while […]
The beer: SingleCut Frequency Lager The headline: “Don’t you know that I’ll always be true?” – Iron Butterfly, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” The commentary: Three generations of Halfenhalfs returned to Patriots training camp after a year’s hiatus and it’s just as well we missed Matt Patricia’s failure to sit up straight and build a functional NFL offense. Good […]
Scene: it’s autumn. Route 1 along the North Shore (title case) of Massachusetts—rather, “Old Route 1,” to distinguish it from the stretch with strip clubs and furniture outlets and orange dinosaurs. The scenic portion with private schools and shuttered restaurants and blind intersections that almost kill you (truth). Radio: on. “Fire” by the Crazy World […]
Week seventeen The game: Dolphins at Patriots The beer: Great Rhythm Long Beach Lager The result: Win, 23–21 The method: Live via Paramount+ Week eighteen The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Twisted Fate My Promises Are Lies Tonight India Pale Ale The result: Loss, 35–23 The method: Live via Paramount+ The headline: “All the […]
The game: Patriots at Vikings The beer: Berkshire Turkey Trotter Brown Ale The result: Loss, 33–26 The method: NFL+ The headline: “Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota? Who could imagine?” – Mothers of Invention, “Help, I’m a Rock” The commentary: I got no time to write this, baby. But Mike Reiss, […]
The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Ipswich Brown Square English-Style Brown Ale The result: Win, 10–3 The method: NFL+ The headline: “No one makes me close my eyes.” – Pink Floyd, “Echoes” The commentary: The less said about this one, the better. They should have! They should have made me close my eyes! Rhamondre […]
The game: Patriots at Jets The beer: Ommegang All Hallows Treat Imperial Chocolate Peanut Butter Stout The result: Win, 22–17 The method: Live via CBS The headline: “I like to act the part of being tough.” – Yo La Tengo, “Sugarcube” The commentary: Sometimes the universe just wants blog-makers to quote a particular goddamn song […]
I know nothing about football and I know nothing about politics. What I do know is self-editing and, later, resurrection. See? “My relationship with the Biff! Bang! words you’re reading [was] troubled, and if the Pats weren’t such a goddamn winning machine I might have signed off altogether following the Beefheart crowning achievement.” It sucks […]
The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Idle Hands 34 Porter The result: Fuuuuuuck The method: Live via Paramount+ The headline: “You took my arm and you broke my will.” – Stooges, “Ann” The commentary: Look, everyone! It’s one of those posts where I wait several months to “analyze” the final game of the season […]
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