There are forty-eight planets and moons in our solar system and one hundred ninety-five visible stars in the universe. And there it is. Longtime readers (!) tripped up by last year’s abbreviated playlist, tallying “only” thirty-six songs at a brisk two and three-quarter hours—and down almost three thousand words from 2014—will surely find comfort in […]
The game: Titans at Patriots The beer: Josephsbrau Winter Brew Dark Double Bock Lager The result: Win, 33–16 The commentary: No clickbait this week! I’m still waiting to see the Akiem Hicks touchdown anyway, since the L-team behind Eye-Anne Eagle and Dan “You Might Learn the Rules, Dan, Since You Used to Play the Position” […]
The game: Eagles at Patriots The beer: Founders Breakfast Stout The result: Loss, 35–28 The commentary: This is where the heaviness sets in. Perhaps my “Before Floyd”/“After Floyd” theory was too broad. Is it, in fact, a Founders Curse? First the All-Day IPA and now the Breakfast Stout: can it be so simple? Or should […]
The game: Bills at Patriots The beer: Ballast Point Black Marlin Porter The result: Win, 20–13 The commentary: “I’m not emotionally prepared to write about the state of my football team.” Lo, had I joined the loathsome rabble? Remain I there? Surely not, so long as ours is somehow a top-twenty defense. I’ve recently… acquired… […]
This may be my shortest playlist essay yet (“more probable than not”). I poured everything into those goddamn Super-Biffys after we lost Chloe. Considering the starts and stops since that post’s infancy in 2014—I’d originally planned it as a literal January 10 anniversary piece to 2010’s wasted clickbait opportunity—I’m pleased with the results. It was […]
Welcome to the Lynn Auditorium! As we commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of the First Annual Biffy® Special I present to you the Super-Biffys™! The greatest album from every ten-year span since 1964. Why 1964? Because shut up! Here are the nominees under consideration by the Lower Galactic Biffy Council. Within each category, a special inter-net […]
Full-on electric The game: Patriots vs. Seahawks The beer: Dogfish Head Miles Davis’s Bitches Brew Ale The result: (To be continued) The commentary: The most expensive beer of the year cost about fourteen dollars. It’s been so long now, with Dr. Jones finally standing in for Major Toht, that the details are fuzzy—a lot has […]
The game: Dolphins at Patriots The beer: Northampton Humbug Ale The result: Win, 41–13; Natalie, 4–2–1 The commentary: Nine o’clock: I knew something was wrong when I queued up Patriots Game Day, which I only record for its three-minute segment with Mike Reiss. “OK, fast-forward through this Steve Burton crap. Fast-forward through Dan Roche’s fantasy […]
Week five The game: Bengals at Patriots The beer: Left Hand Oktoberfest Märzen Lager The result: Win, 43–17; Packers win, 42–10 The commentary: Football season aligns a little too well with birthday season. The only defense is hoping a majority of preschooler parents are devoted fans. As in, I would never schedule a non-emergency event […]
The game: Patriots at Chiefs The beer: Clown Shoes Pecan Pie Porter The result: Loss, 41–14; Chargers win, 33–14 The commentary: “No pictures of my little girl will accompany losses, especially losses as ugly and perplexing as this.” Almost. Here’s an outtake from week one, basically summing up the game. The porter was delicious and […]
More Cream Please 