The game: Patriots at Saints The beer: Riverwalk Storm Door Porter The result: Win, 36–20; Raiders win, 45–20 The commentary: “What album cover banned or censored because of nudity deserved it the most?” I took out the unnecessary comma after “nudity” but resisted rewriting Johnny Keno’s question for him (almost: “Which banned or censored album […]
Week one The game: Chiefs at Patriots The beer: Maine Lunch India Pale Ale The result: Loss, 42–27; Falcons win, 23–17 The commentary: “There goes the no-hitter,” as I would say—every time—in the days when I attended Red Sox games. “Patriots eat shit in front of God and everyone,” says some “unionized” basement-dweller under the […]
The game: Rams at Patriots The beer: Ipswich Riverbend Pilsner The result: Win, 26–10 The commentary: Last week, before the sad talk, I really got into it with potential tiebreaker scenarios for my ex-knockout pool. The raving led to a “Rooting for ties!” ecstasy that betrayed its improvised roots earlier in the same sentence. You […]
The game: Patriots at Jets The beer: Two Roads Roadsmary’s Baby Ale The result: Win, 22–17; Seahawks/Jarrod lose, 14–5 The commentary: Fourteen to five? Five? In which our hero tests whether or not “There’s nothing I can do about Russell Wilson having an off day” is a philosophy he still trusts. I am. Hard to […]
The game: Patriots at 49ers The beer: Berkshire Hoosac Tunnel Amber Ale The result: Win, 30–17; Giants win, 22–16 The commentary: The Pats played the late game and the Giants and Bears warmed me up on Fox before then, presenting a rare opportunity to watch my knockout contest. It was not a comfortable experience as […]
The game: Seahawks at Patriots The beer: Heavy Seas Greater Pumpkin Imperial Ale The result: Loss, 31–24; Cardinals win, 23–20 The commentary: More pictures of my girl, please! I didn’t go black last week because the Pats lost. They didn’t even play. No, I mourned another loss or, more accurately, a non-win. Maybe the minority […]
The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Southern Tier Warlock Imperial Stout The result: Win, 41–25; Broncos win, 27–19 The commentary: I have had enough of rooting for leading AFC rivals in order to advance week to week in the knockout pool. The Steelers and their injured rapist cost me twenty-five units a couple of […]
The game: Bengals at Patriots The beer: Wachusett Horseshoe Ale The result: Win, 35–17; Steelers lose, 30–15 The commentary: Hell is rooting for the Steelers and watching them lose. Fuckers. Enjoy four to six weeks of your team falling out of contention, Ben. The good news is the Pats should cruise to victory Sunday afternoon. […]
The game: Patriots at Browns The beer: Lagunitas Bitter Oats Ale The result: Win, 33–13 The commentary: Ten point five percent! Who drinks so heavy a bastard during a one o’clock game? I’ll admit I didn’t notice until checking the bottle after my first sip—I was so caught up with the “Bitter” name that, of […]
The game: Texans at Patriots The beer: Ommegang Three Philosophers Quadrupel Ale The result: Win, 27–0; Dolphins win, 30–24 The commentary: Bronchitis sidelined A. so she drove G. and me to a sketchy old gymnastics academy in the middle of a Verizon dead zone for another child’s birthday—such is the nature of kindergarten and new […]
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