The game: Seahawks at Patriots The beer: Heavy Seas Greater Pumpkin Imperial Ale The result: Loss, 31–24; Cardinals win, 23–20 The commentary: More pictures of my girl, please! I didn’t go black last week because the Pats lost. They didn’t even play. No, I mourned another loss or, more accurately, a non-win. Maybe the minority […]
The beer: Clown Shoes Third-Party Candidate India Pale Lager The result: Chiefs win, 19–14; Trump wins, 304–227–7 The commentary: This is my two hundredth post. I am close to dropping an overdue essay regarding the importance of Trout Mask Replica (currently headlined “Tight also”), having reserved its epic for a weighty round number, but it […]
The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Southern Tier Warlock Imperial Stout The result: Win, 41–25; Broncos win, 27–19 The commentary: I have had enough of rooting for leading AFC rivals in order to advance week to week in the knockout pool. The Steelers and their injured rapist cost me twenty-five units a couple of […]
The game: Patriots at Steelers The beer: Mayflower Daily Ration Session India Pale Ale The result: Win, 27–16; Packers win, 26–10 The commentary: “You stink. You stink. You stink!” Brandon Bolden, the special-teams ace who knocked a punted ball from the six yard line into the end zone for a touchback, did not earn my […]
The game: Bengals at Patriots The beer: Wachusett Horseshoe Ale The result: Win, 35–17; Steelers lose, 30–15 The commentary: Hell is rooting for the Steelers and watching them lose. Fuckers. Enjoy four to six weeks of your team falling out of contention, Ben. The good news is the Pats should cruise to victory Sunday afternoon. […]
The game: Patriots at Browns The beer: Lagunitas Bitter Oats Ale The result: Win, 33–13 The commentary: Ten point five percent! Who drinks so heavy a bastard during a one o’clock game? I’ll admit I didn’t notice until checking the bottle after my first sip—I was so caught up with the “Bitter” name that, of […]
The game: Bills at Patriots The beer: Newburyport Melt Away India Pale Ale The result: Loss, 16–0; Bengals win, 22–7 The commentary: It’s another outtake from week one, just like two years ago after the shellacking in Kansas City. No Pink Floyd talk this time though. No playlist modification either! That surely fucked us all. […]
The game: Texans at Patriots The beer: Ommegang Three Philosophers Quadrupel Ale The result: Win, 27–0; Dolphins win, 30–24 The commentary: Bronchitis sidelined A. so she drove G. and me to a sketchy old gymnastics academy in the middle of a Verizon dead zone for another child’s birthday—such is the nature of kindergarten and new […]
The game: Dolphins at Patriots The beer: Castle Island Keeper India Pale Ale The result: Win, 31–24; Panthers win, 46–27 The commentary: My discovery of another hometown triumph may soon be chronicled on Google Street View. As the three of us crossed the old-timey bridge on our way to the newish culinary shop—now able to […]
Week one The game: Patriots at Cardinals The beer: Harpoon Sticke Altbier The result: Win, 23–21; Texans win, 23–14 The commentary: Whoops! Well that wasn’t supposed to happen. Dry those tears, thirty-one other teams. Meet the new boss, etc. Such hubris! It’s a win and one that may not even matter much in the long […]
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