The game: Patriots at Jets The beer: Essex County Illume Pale Ale The result: Win, 25–6 The method: NFL Game Pass The headline: “Never hesitate to take a chump sucker down.” – Ice-T, “Ricochet” The commentary: Say what you will about the playmaking abilities of JC Jackson and the Doublemint-potential of Devin McCourty but a […]
Week one The game: Dolphins at Patriots The beer: Throwback Oma’s Tribute Black Lager The result: Loss, 17–16 The method: NFL Game Pass (spoiled) The headline: “I’d build a pyramid in your sweet memory. Would you even record my name in your diary?” – Make-Up, “Hot Coals” The commentary: It came to me in half-sleep, […]
The beer: Stella Artois Pilsner The headline: “She saw the MAC-10 and the bitch got the shits.” – Ice Cube, “Gangsta’s Fairytale 2” The commentary: Is Ice Cube out here puffing his chest on a victory tour? He predicted Mac Jones would beat out Cam Newton almost thirty goddamn years ago. Newton was three years […]
Expectations cannot help themselves. Sometimes, as during a post-Trump era of adults running the show, science and public health are regarded with respect and decisions are made in order to, you know, not let hundreds of thousands of us die. So any president after Trump would be and has been an improvement. For instance, expectations […]
The beer: Uinta Bristlecone Brown Ale The commentary: Good evening! So this is what it’s like to need a first-round quarterback. Well, it’s the second consecutive year we’ve needed one, but the first time we might actually see it through. Exciting? Tonight’s is my first WordPress running diary so I might have zero readers instead […]
Week sixteen The game: Bills at Patriots The beer: True North Wee Swally Scotch Wee Heavy The result: Loss, 38–9 Week seventeen The game: Jets at Patriots The beer: Lakefront Eastside Dark Lager The result: Win, 28–14 The commentary: Where were we? Right: sub five hundred, no playoffs, Brady wins, Newton re-signs (not “resigns”). Sallah […]
The game: Patriots at Dolphins The beer: Devil’s Purse Shelby Rose Red Ale The result: Loss, 22–12 The commentary: And lo, how Rush nerds rue the Dolphins’ two-point conversion! As a quick postscript to last week’s coverage of The Star Wars Holiday Special (which unexpectedly ballooned to over three thousand goddamn words), Chuck from Stuff […]
Week thirteen The game: Patriots at Chargers The beer: Springdale Brig Mocha Stout The result: Win, 45–0 Week fourteen The game: Patriots at Rams The beer: Maine Post-Ride Snack India Pale Ale The result: Loss, 24–3 The commentary: You see, last week—pre-Rams—was the time to discuss the Chargers game. “Forty-five to zero, you say? As […]
Week eight The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: North Coast Old Stock Ale The result: Loss, 24–21 Week nine The game: Patriots at Jets The beer: Oak & Iron Wacko Jacko Dark Pumpkin Ale The result: Win, 30–27 Week ten The game: Ravens at Patriots The beer: Liars Bench Cut-Off Schwartz Dark Lager The […]
Week six The game: Broncos at Patriots The beer: Backbeat Marcus Porter The result: Loss, 18–12 The knockout: Ditto Week seven The game: 49ers at Patriots The beer: Lexington Kentucky Pumpkin Barrel Ale The result: Loss, 33–6 The commentary: Ask and you shall receive! No, not that bit about the knockout pool “get[ting] past the […]
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