The game: Patriots at Bills The beer: Hopothecary Sweepnman’s Flu(e) Fix Red Ale The result: Loss, 27–21 The method: Live via Paramount+ The record: 4–12 The headline: “They won’t come around—your king’s a cunt.” – Osees, “Intercepted Message” The commentary: First, I apologize for the four-letter-est of the four-letter words. It’s what a four- or […]
The game: Chiefs at Patriots The beer: Earth Eagle Puca Curry Pumpkin Porter The result: Loss, 27–17 The method: NFL+ The record: 3–11 The headline: “Yo, chief administrator, suck my oil.” – Dr. Octagon, “Technical Difficulties” The commentary: Has a team up ten points with minutes remaining in the fourth quarter ever advanced to the […]
The game: Patriots at Steelers The beer: Long Trail Hibernator Ale The result: Win, 21–18 The method: NFL+ The record: 3–10 The headline: “Has the world gone mad or is it me?” – Hawkwind, “Master of the Universe” The commentary: Hawkwind, as related throughout Hawkwind: Days of the Underground—Radical Escapism in the Age of Paranoia, […]
The game: Chargers at Patriots The beer: Berkshire Lager The result: Loss, 6–0 The method: NFL+ The record: 2–10 The headline: “Can we ever really know why, why the bad things come our way? Can we ever really know? Well, this is where we’re going, and this is where we’re heading. We’re hitting a new […]
The game: Colts “at” Patriots (in Frankfurt) The beer: Stoneface Slopeside Milk Stout The result: Loss, 10–6 The method: NFL+ The record: 2–8 The headline: “Hey you! You’re losing! You’re losing! You’re losing! You’re losing!” – Can, “Vitamin C” The commentary: He’s like the backup quarterback who comes in in the fourth quarter, so don’t […]
Week eight The game: Patriots at Dolphins The beer: Sullivan’s Maltings Irish Ale The result: Loss, 31–17 The method: Live via Paramount+ The record: 2–6 Week nine The game: Commanders at Patriots The beer: Tripping Animals Dark No Mames Mexican-Style Dark Lager The result: Loss, 20–17 The method: Live via Fox The record: 2–7 The […]
The game: Saints at Patriots The beer: Von Trapp Bohemian-Style Pilsner The result: Loss, 34–0 The method: Live via CBS The record: 1–4 The headline: “Where do we go? Where do we go? Where do we go from here?” – UFO, “Rock Bottom” The commentary: Say what you will about Scott Zolak—I know I have—but […]
The game: Patriots at Cowboys The beer: Wormtown Fresh Patch Pumpkin Ale The result: Loss, 38–3 The method: Live via NFL+ The record: 1–3 The headline: “He bought me a soda and he tried to molest me in the parking lot. Yep.” – Pixies, “Bone Machine” The commentary: Ladies and gentleman of the WordPress community, […]
The beer: Earth Eagle Good Helmet Schwarzbier The headline: “This history lesson doesn’t make any sense.” – Built to Spill, “The Plan” The commentary: At Canobie Lake Park, a teenage boy with an alarming chest rash gathers among friends and wet towels. Nearby—too near, by accident—a man approaching fifty kills time on his phone while […]
The beer: SingleCut Frequency Lager The headline: “Don’t you know that I’ll always be true?” – Iron Butterfly, “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” The commentary: Three generations of Halfenhalfs returned to Patriots training camp after a year’s hiatus and it’s just as well we missed Matt Patricia’s failure to sit up straight and build a functional NFL offense. Good […]
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