Week eight
The game: Patriots at Dolphins
The beer: Sullivan’s Maltings Irish Ale
The result: Loss, 31–17
The method: Live via Paramount+
The record: 2–6
Week nine
The game: Commanders at Patriots
The beer: Tripping Animals Dark No Mames Mexican-Style Dark Lager
The result: Loss, 20–17
The method: Live via Fox
The record: 2–7
The headline: “Freedom is free of the need to be free.” – Funkadelic, “Free Your Mind and Your Ass Will Follow”
The commentary: George Clinton was right—there’s no way this improves until it’s allowed to improve. Clean break, no Belichick affiliation. I’ve heard disgraced former Olympian Ben Johnson is doing well as the Lions’ offensive coordinator, can he identify talent? Can he devalue special teams? Promote that man! I’d even keep Jerod Mayo as defensive coordinator in those conditions… if they give him the friggin title.
Local blowhards speculate that Belichick may need to book his own flight home if the Colts win tomorrow. Gimme a break—as much as it wouldn’t bother me, it makes no sense to cut him loose mid-season. Sure, I’m convinced better roster management would have earned at least one more Super Bowl title during the imperial phase (2006), but the coaching had a lot to do with their success. Just not as much as the quarterback play. At best, they have three wins and seven losses going into the bye—“ten and seven is still in play” but no one short of Raymond Berry offers hope, so let’s ride it out and wait for Fred to figure how to post yesterday’s Patriots Unfiltered from the technological wasteland that is Western Europe. The kingdom of heaven is within.
| Two realizations from watching Pats–Commanders with friends at Maggie’s Farm due to an unstreamable Fox broadcast |
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| If Mac Jones and Sam Howell switched teams, the Pats would have won by two scores. |
| If supposed Trump-haters think Biden should step aside for some incumbency-surrendering youth movement, they deserve a second Trump term. |
Meanwhile, a seemingly level-headed coworker suggested this week that the Krafts should bring back Tom Brady in some kind of GM and/or advisory role and then hire Mike Vrabel as head coach. Tom Brady… presumed minority owner of the Raiders? And Mike Vrabel… employed head coach of the Titans? “Vrabel said ‘we’ during that speech.” I am on a fucking island.
Up next: Pats–Colts from Germany at “half nine” in the damn morning. Prost!
More Cream Please 