Two books at the same time: “Do you see yourself as a leader?”

Week one
The game: Raiders at Patriots
The beer: Ipswich Vienna Lager
The result: Loss, 20–13
The record: 0–1
The headline: “Meet me in the bottom, bring me my running shoes!” – Howlin’ Wolf, “Down in the Bottom”

The commentary: Are you kidding me? I’m five books ahead of my StoryGraph goal of fifty for the year. Thinking of bumping it to fifty-five—sixty even! Shit, I know Ron Chernow’s thousand-page Grant is going to slow me down but come on, who doesn’t see me as a reader. Even this week’s album cover is black text on a white background—flash fiction alert! For sale: Wolf’s guitar, never loved. Count it!

One recently completed title was Stanley Crawford’s (deep breath) Log of the SS The Mrs Unguentine, which supplies our XVI diary mission statement. Given the Raiders outcome it is slightly more optimistic than the alternatives—“So down they went with him to the bottom,” “It might all crack and crumble into bits,” “Terrestrial asthma,” etc.—but only if those life preservers hold, right? And the rope. Christ.

While still wearing our reading glasses, check out this NFL and NFL-adjacent coverage from the goddamn Guardian. (“Sport.” Adorable.)

Why Netflix’s new documentary on the Dallas Cowboys is better than The Last Dance
I’ve not yet started America’s Team with two episodes to go in The Dynasty. Funny how they didn’t interview Brady for the Aaron Hernandez portion, right?

Bill Belichick’s humiliating college football debut brings only schadenfreude or sadness
Give me schadenfreude or give me death.

From dynasty to soap opera: how Jerry Jones traded Dallas Cowboys glory for “365 days of sizzle”
Dude, spoiler alert! Now I know America’s Team and everything since, oh, March 1994 has been a Jerry Jones vanity project. That’s just great.

NFL 2025 season predictions: will it be Mahomes, Jackson or Allen in the Super Bowl?
Mac Jones is like “That’s right, because I’m in the NFC now.”

Eagles squeeze past Cowboys as Carter ejected for spitting on Prescott six seconds into season
Ipso facto, if Carter spits on someone at the start of every game, the Eagles will never lose again.

The Brady Exception is another case of the NFL jettisoning objectivity and integrity
It only took an ownership stake for the league to stop calling Brady a cheater.

“The robots are here”: Melania Trump hails AI’s potential
Sounds like someone got a new vibrator!

Justin Herbert sparkles as Chargers beat Mahomes and Chiefs in NFL’s Brazil roadtrip
Bat macumba yêyê, bat macumba obá.

How I became a Buffalo Bills fan—and learned what home means
Let’s check back with Francesca after McDermott dooms a few more peak-Allen seasons.

Bill Belichick gets first UNC win and confirms he has banned Patriots scouts
No one ever called Belichick a players’ coach.

NFL roundup: Bills storm back from 15 points down in fourth quarter to beat Ravens in instant classic
Instant and temporary, since the Chiefs will march to another Super Bowl.

Aaron Rodgers’s Jets revenge tour shows the old guy may still have it
Yes, the old guy still has only one more Super Bowl title than Joel Klatt.

Ravens QB Lamar Jackson regrets shoving Bills fan who slapped him on helmet
This story is DOA if it were Kirk Cousins.

JJ McCarthy leads Vikings to late comeback win over Bears in NFL debut
Hoo boy, if McCarthy turns out to be better than Drake Maye…

The Secret of Secrets by Dan Brown review—weapons-grade nonsense from beginning to end
There are headlines and there are Headlines.

Tyreek Hill’s estranged wife accuses Dolphins star of assaulting her during pregnancy
See? The perfect Florida Headline.

Eagles’ Jalen Carter fined for spitting on Dak Prescott but avoids further punishment
Hence, he will be available to spit on someone at the start of every game.

New-look USMNT show comfort and confidence in 2–0 win over Japan
Hey, we’re talking football here. American football.

Meet the retiree who realized his dream of joining the LSU marching band as a 66-year-old freshman
I think the whole story made it into the headline, right?

World Cup 2026: how worried should the USMNT be as the tournament looms?
Motherfucker, knock it off!

NFL panic meter: Is Russell Wilson cooked? Is the Chiefs’ golden age over?
Yes! No! Third question: Is it time to panic if your team isn’t relevant enough to measure its panic level?

Packers beat Commanders to maintain hot start as Love shines
In a related story, Love grows where my Rosemary goes.

Wait a minute, “leader”? The fuck?

Up next: In a clash between two desperate teams, Miami is the more desperate, which automatically increases New England’s desperation. Cheers!