The game: Patriots at Buccaneers
The beer: Riverwalk Pumpkin Porter
The result: Win, 28–23
The record: 8–2
The headline: “Oooh, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s so good, it’s sooo goood.” – Donna Summer, “I Feel Love”

The commentary: If Tony Romo is down to fuck then who am I to drench his genitals in ice water? We’re riding a seven-game win streak into goddamn Jets week. A depleted Jets week—in the aftermath of another Republican shutdown, is there another kind?

Speaking of American despoilers, it was great to see numerous shots of Dave Portnoy and “Handy” Bob Kraft sharing sexual harassment tips over, no doubt, a sex-oriented disco soundtrack. Trump attended the wrong game.

Lastly, here is Baker Mayfield’s final play of the game—in which he shook off multiple in-the-grasp rulings and tossed an improbable flip pass to Rachaad White—as performed by my in situ outbursts:

Yeah!

Yeah!

What the fuck??

Up next: Woody and Handy sittin’ in a tree, M-A-G-A-i-n-g. Cheers!