The game: Patriots at Cowboys
The beer: Wormtown Fresh Patch Pumpkin Ale
The result: Loss, 38–3
The method: Live via NFL+
The record: 1–3
The headline: “He bought me a soda and he tried to molest me in the parking lot. Yep.” – Pixies, “Bone Machine”
The commentary: Ladies and gentleman of the WordPress community, still blogging in these Whoring Twenties for some reason, the era of the template-friendly Featured Image™ banner has passed. The perfect application is above. You’re welcome.
What is there beyond Belichick’s reaction? What are we doing, and why does football continue? “Any hope from last week’s… loss, right?” The end. I’ll watch, root for wins, expect wins, expect playoffs, but I’m not stupid.
(Deep breath. Nudity. Black Francis projecting thirty-five years into the future to describe what it must feel like to Patriots fans who insisted all along that it was Belichick and never Brady. Yep.)
“Shame on the brain, that’s right!” There was a fun exercise. We’re at one win and three losses for far this season—let’s see how not-stupid I might be in looking ahead:
| Saints Toss-up win |
| @ Raiders Toss-up loss |
| Bills Confident loss |
| @ Dolphins Confident loss |
| Commanders Toss-up win |
| Colts Toss-up win |
| BYE WEEK Two-game winning streak alert! |
| @ Giants Toss-up win |
| Chargers Loss |
| @ Steelers Toss-up loss |
| Chiefs Confident loss/Xmas Blues XIV |
| @ Broncos Toss-up loss |
| @ Bills Confident loss |
| Jets Toss-up win |
Is this a six-win team? Conversely: is this not an eleven-loss team? Shit hits the fan if they lose the next two; trade-deadline melodrama consumes in the days following a Dolphins blowout; “Handy” Bob Kraft shows or surrenders his mettle during the bye week. Who calls the shots? Is progress in our future?
The highlight of the game was goddamn Chevrolet using the Stooges’ “Down on the Street” in a Silverado commercial as Bob Seger prices himself out. Shudder. At least I seem to have gone from zero readers to one auto industry social media intern reader—daily prompts for the win, even as Fun House outtake “Lost in the Future” hits too close to Foxborough. “There’s our future”? If only. Shudder.
RIP Tim Wakefield. That 2004 comeback doesn’t happen without him, meanwhile people still talk about Jimmy Buffett like he was some combination of George Washington and James Brown.
Up next: Belichick just can’t get this team to play the way they need to play. He just… he can’t do it. It’s so fuckin’ frustrating. Cheers!
More Cream Please 