Undo soft thinking: “How do you write what people actually want to read?”
The game: Steelers at Patriots
The beer: 603 Fire on Main Bamberg-Style Märzen Lager
The result: Win, 20–3
The record: 1–1
The headline: “We’re rolling our eyes and sinking.” – Thee Oh Sees, “Drop”
The commentary: Kickoff in twenty, ergo: listicle! Isn’t this what reader(s) want(s)?
- I see everyone’s OK with Rhamondre “Stickum” Stevenson fumbling again because a later twenty-four yard run skewed his numbers. Drop.
- Also see that everyone’s OK with another drop from Romeo “Wide Open” Doubs to partner with a bad fumble out of bounds. Drop. Drop.
- “Report: Dianna Russini will tell her side of the story after taking next job.” Drop.
- Overheard coming out of a commercial break during WBZ’s postgame 5th Quarter, uttered by either Steve “Crazy Eyes” Burton or Christian “Brett Weir” Fauria: “Yo, you gotta give me a warning, man.” Hardly the worst hot-mic offense, I suppose.
- Meanwhile, Scott “Untuck It” Zolak skates by with his indoor sunglasses and expanding jowls.
- This Week’s Sign the Buffalo Bills Are Fucking Toast! couldn’t be more timely with Trump censoring a press that’s gone out of its way to not hurt his feelings: “Long-time Bills radio voice John Murphy believes he lost credential over criticism of Joe Brady.”
- Telling that the Bills being left off of some clickbait bullshit about predicting the next five Super Bowl winners isn’t a sign of their possible demise—it’s a sign of their actual reputation.
- If I’ve heard “Choosin’ Texas” it was in a grocery store or something—it certainly wasn’t on top-forty radio in the car or from a Spotify algorithm based on Hawkwind, Public Enemy and the Osees. Call me whatever you want.
- So we’re just being force-fed Russell Wilson as a dynamic studio analyst and beach volleyball “reporter,” huh?
- Robert Edwards weeps.
Anyway, don’t ask me—week one’s post got zero likes.
Up next: Kickoff now. Cheers!
