The game: Patriots at Bills
The beer: Von Trapp Dunkel Dark Lager
The result: Win, 29–26
The record: 2–2
The headline: “Honey, I wanna hear my name.” – (The) Gossip, “Got Body If You Want It”
The commentary: With all of last week’s “DMX” talk I forgot our quarterback already has a nickname: Drake “Drake Maye” Maye. Of course! He wants to hear his name—twice! Now stop fumbling so much, alright? And can you just believe in the moon landing, for fuck’s sake? RIP Margaret Hamilton.
(Similarly, had I any readers whatsoever, they might clamor for “More More Cream Please please!” Rats.)
This Week’s Sign the Buffalo Bills Are Fucking Toast! is an easy one—to suffer the new stadium’s first-ever loss against these depleted, flawed Patriots is the topping on Beth Ditto’s pizza. Ignored obvious soccer-level dives by Josh “Winter Soldier” Allen (!) and non-calls for an obvious intentional grounding/safety (see above) will be long gone years from now when fans smeared in hot sauce and blue cheese reminisce about all those Super Bowls their boys never advanced to. Shoot it into my veins. This too, regarding Efton Chism (III):
Bills cornerback CJ Gardner-Johnson: An elevated guy made a hell of a catch. Probably won’t hear from him again, respectfully.
Mike Vrabel: [Regarding Gardner-Johnson.] For a guy that’s been on eight teams in four years? I mean, I guess he knows the drill.
Since the 2019 draft:
- Saints
- Eagles
- Lions
- Eagles
- Texans
- Ravens
- Bears
- Bills
Technically, that’s seven teams in eight years, with the Eagles participating twice. Get your facts straight, coach.
Uh-oh, though, someone is working to get her facts straight:
Dianna Russini reportedly hires crisis publicist as comeback awaits
Dianna Russini hires “crisis publicist” before return to sports media
This crisis publicist is already hustling to align headlines across media outlets! Any response, Coach Scumbag?
Sure, this ends well. Nooo problems here.
Up next: Think Rich Gannon will tune in? Cheers!
