The game: Patriots at Bears
The beer: Rogue Dead Guy Ale
The result: Win, 36–3
The commentary: A. and I went up to Maine over the weekend and I came home with a bunch of beer. One of them was the Dead Guy Ale, something I can find anywhere but that I couldn’t resist because the Bears were about to get creamed. (Too bad Sam Adams Cream Stout doesn’t come in bomber form—that would have been a better metaphor.) Now Urlacher—who did absolutely nothing in this game—is willing to admit that the Pats are the best team in the AFC. How mighty fucking gracious of his humiliating-first-round-elimination-at-best ass.

I was pretty all set by the time Hoyer was on the field. I drank the Dead Guy really, really quickly—I’m not sure if I loved it or if was just “drinkable,” the same way I’ll fly through a terrible book (like David Baldacci’s The Winner, perhaps the worst thing I’ve ever read) and take my time with a book I’m enjoying (currently, Jon Krakauer’s excellent Under the Banner of Heaven is taking me far too long). After that I moved onto my bonus Mayflower Thanksgiving Ale, the one I forgot to give my brother-in-law a couple of weeks ago (it tasted as OK as it did when I re-watched the Lions game). Then I topped that off with a bottle of Winter Warmer. I guess I’m a productive drunk though because I ended up doing a shitload of laundry that night—I even remember how Dexter ended.

The game was another fun one to watch—it’s good to be a Pats fan these days—though I’ll admit to wondering if a field goal might have been enough to win after each team went three-and-out on its first possession. I loved the 2007 imperiousness of Brady heaving it up to end the first half with six points, mixed with the pragmatic 2004 result of Deion Branch being on the receiving end of said touchdown. Randy Moss (poor bastard) was the man when he was here but this offense is now both exciting and efficient—for crying out loud, Brady’s last interception was a hail-mary pass eight weeks ago! What a time to be alive.

Winnable remaining games against three wavering opponents mean anything other than home-field advantage throughout the playoffs will be a disappointment. On that topic, the local postgame show on WBZ—hosted by historical Patriots ass-kissers Steve Burton, Dan Roche, Steve DeOssie and Scott “Exactly What the Hell Is Going on with My Eye Anyway” Zolak—presented the online poll question “Will anything less than a Super Bowl win be a failure for the Pats?” Almost sixty percent answered “No.” What in the worldwide fuck?

Belichick had his first good draft in six years, and because rookies are finally succeeding we’re supposed to ignore the standard of excellence he and Brady have put in place and just accept anything worse than first? I root for a team that is nothing at all like, say, the Jaguars, whose fans will be pleased as punch just to make the playoffs even as they get shot like a cannonball out of the first round. The Patriots have established a winning tradition and I want a Super Bowl championship every goddamn year and get bummed out for days whenever all goes wrong. But a bunch of regional morons probably think it was a neat idea to hang a “16–0” banner in Gillette Stadium (recognizing a regular-season achievement—isn’t that was we used to give Peyton shit about?) after an unsuccessful finish. You’re fuckin-A right I was part of the shrewd forty percent who answered YES to that poll.

Lastly, I follow a lot of football blogs and I don’t understand what this Football Outsiders headline means: “Is Will Muschamp Another Ron Zook or Another Bo Pelini?” To paraphrase Lisa Simpson, I know some of those words but that sentence makes no sense.

Up next: A Green Bay team that once scared the hell out of me comes limping into Foxborough. Injuries suck, as proven by the fact that a healthy, horrible Bears team might win the division over the decimated, super-talented Packers—too bad. Cheers!