The game: Bills at Patriots
The beer: True West Hat & Mittens Dark Lager
The result: Win, 23–16
The record: 4–13
The headline: “Something, something, something, when this is over.” – Shellac, “I Don’t Fear Hell”

The commentary: “Fire Mayo” is activated a mere three hours after the bloggo tag’s inception—were “Fire Belichick” so effective!

In fairness, “Fire Mayo” was floated back in fucking April, and (in retrospect) “Fire Wolf” should have followed a month later. I mean, my god:

Will Mayo be in the picture [in ten years]? Will “Handy” Bob Kraft still be terrorizing sex-trafficked prostitutes with demands for limp orgasms? More importantly, will the team’s 2024 first-round pick still be on the team? This is the compounded failure that Tom Brady covered up for years.

“Awww… whatever.” Meanwhile, the new Tar Heels coach whines about enjoying a “shared vision between ownership and the coaching and scouting… up until about the last four years in New England.” Hmm, what else happened ahead of those last four years? Right. What a fraud. Good luck to UNC or whichever NFL team lures him away before having to replace him in two years.

The 2024 Creamy® will come down to Sorcs 80, Shellac’s To All Trains or Ty Segall’s remarkable percussion experiment Love Rudiments.

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2024

Shellac – To All Trains

Pigeons do enjoy their holes! All three will be represented in Volume 17 but I suspect Shellac’s will be the hardest to choose from. “Girl From Outside”? “Scrappers”? “Chick New Wave”? Hint: the entire Republican party wins the World Series of Dick-sucking.

Up next: Hopefully, someone with no connection whatsoever to the New England Patriots. Cheers!