The game: Patriots at Bills
The beer: Hopothecary Sweepnman’s Flu(e) Fix Red Ale
The result: Loss, 27–21
The method: Live via Paramount+
The record: 4–12
The headline: “They won’t come around—your king’s a cunt.” – Osees, “Intercepted Message”

The commentary: First, I apologize for the four-letter-est of the four-letter words. It’s what a four- or five-win season will bring out of you. And it’s not like you’re reading this anyway, so on to the inevitable:

⚪

2023

Osees – Intercepted Message

Since preordering the album in May (and not possessing it until August), Intercepted Message was always going to be the one to beat in the face of stiffer competition than I’ve jungled in recent years: Yo La Tengo closing a twenty-six-year gap with the I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One-esque This Stupid World; King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard breaking through with the Infest the Rats’ Nest-esque PetroDragonic Apocalypse; and “newcomers” (to me) En Attendant Ana coming out of nowhere (to me) with Principia. Osees won out, as they usually will, but I’ll tell you right now that “Wonder” is going to earn high marks on Volume 16.

But see, none of those others can sum up the entire Patriots season with a single lyric. Interceptions galore, hubris galore… your king, the one you say had as much to do with Brady’s first six Super Bowl titles? The one who deserves to keep his job in an environment where past performance does not guarantee future results, mocking his self-fulfilling philosophy that it’s better to let a player go a year early than a year late? The C-word is strong—it’s only football—but if this weren’t Belichick and this weren’t the Patriots, all of these fake fans would mock the shit out of the situation. Instead they want him to tank for a high draft pick that he is not qualified to make.

A car that has been following them suddenly pulls up, with Michael at the wheel and his henchman, Jimmy Shorts, in the backseat.

Now’s the time.

Up next: Snowstorm football to close out an era. Cheers!