The game: Patriots at Raiders
The beer: Notch Saison
The result: Win, 31–19
The commentary: I wonder what would have happened if Hank Williams (Jr.) compared Obama to Jesus. Will we ever survive without “Are you ready for some football?!” Forget for a minute that Monday Night Football is no longer all that relevant. Sure, my team was its first game of the year, and it’s nice to drink on a Monday, but Monday night matchups have been pretty spotty ever since it migrated to ESPN. I can’t be the only person who fast-forwarded through that rowdy-friends crap.

Essential analysis from my friends over at Patriots Daily after week three’s vexing defeat. (I don’t actually know the writers but I always, always agree with what they have to say and I would buy them all a round of Saisons given the opportunity.) They post a handful of items per week: a reaction to the previous game, a preview of what to look for in the upcoming game, a more in-depth examination of said game’s key players and matchups, a wonderfully snarky around-the-league review and a nice “buffet table” of thematic/regional food and drink suggestions to enjoy on Sunday. (It’s Clown Shoes this week, can you believe it? Apparently I didn’t catch the pump dong on last week’s Lubrication.) They’ll also write more of a traditional column offering either a fresh perspective on an (elsewhere) overdone topic or an outside-the-box “think piece” covering some aspect of the team that flies under the radar of other media outlets like WEEI (usually too terrified to criticize the team) or the Globe or Herald (quick to criticize but more in the form of an aimless old man). This one sort of straddles that line and it’s the best thing I’ve read on their site in the two or three years I’ve been following them. They target every gripe I’ve had with the team (particularly the defense) and really hammer home that poor drafting is the root of the issue. I love following Mike Reiss’s reporting because no one gets the access he does and his analysis is usually excellent (or at least interesting) but I’m sure getting tired of him trying to tell us the defense isn’t as bad as we think. Take this absurd point of view that the team is giving up more yards than anybody because, with good kickoff coverage, they have the most potential yards to give up. Or something. It’s his worst writing since the last time (of many) he called the 2007 draft a success because Belichick used picks to acquire Welker and Moss, even though no one remains from that class after Lawyer Milloy and Fred Marion smothered Meriweather in his sleep last month.

Along those lines, I thought the two-part Bill Belichick: A Football Life was pretty good. It wasn’t the best season to follow for sure—hindsight, I know, but if you’re going to pick non-Super Bowl years then how fascinating would 2006 (no proven wide receivers, horrendous AFC Championship loss to the Colts) or 2008 (no Brady, no playoffs) have been? I guess we’ll take whatever kind of behind-the-scenes footage of our tight-lipped coach that we can get. 2009 was such a weird year and I think they did as good a job documenting it as they could, particularly during the horrendous Saints game when Belichick is telling Brady “I just can’t get these guys to play the way I want them to.” Love the prolonged silences in that scene. The season might as well have ended right there.

The problem, oddly familiar with the current squad, is that “these guys” are not a collection of first-round draft picks who simply have yet to emerge as stars. Since the last Super Bowl victory and up through 2009 the list of big-impact draft picks consists of Logan Mankins (2005, last pick of the first round), Stephen Gostkowski (2006, and already stretching to include a kicker… as if stretching to include a guard wasn’t bad enough), Jerod Mayo (2008) and Patrick Chung (2009). I’m not including Sebastian Vollmer because he’s played only one game so far this season and probably won’t play this afternoon. Things improved in 2010 with McCourty (fingers crossed he figures things out), Gronkowski (Pro Bowl for him this year) and Hernandez. Throw in some flashes from Spikes and excellent punting (stretching again!) from Mesko and it’s a pretty good class, though Cunningham has played only a handful more quality snaps than my daughter this year. From 2011, it looks like Solder and Ridley are immediately doing very well. I have high hopes for Dowling but he’s already been injured too much, and that’s never a good sign. Nothing at all to go on with the rest, though I wonder if Vereen might see a little action today.

That’s seven drafts featuring (I think) nine opportunities to select a game-changing player—offensive or defensive—in the first round, and that’s before you start counting Belichick’s intra-round dealings. Instead you’re left with Mankins, Mayo and McCourty from the above list and a lot of trade down, trade down, trade into next year and so on. Never identifying a player and moving up to secure him, often having to settle. Even when they do target someone, as with Mayo, they moved down three spots from seven to ten and hoped he would still be there, gaining a third-round Shawn Crable to throw on the bust pile in the process. He was there. They got their guy. But how excited could they really have been about it? And how excited should we Patriots fans be that he’ll be out for a few weeks with a knee injury and the defense he’s leaving behind cannot possibly do worse without him? DeMarcus Ware, Haloti Ngata, Patrick Willis, Darelle Revis: pick one of these guys and the Pats win at least one of the last six Super Bowls (2007), probably two (2006) and maybe even three (2010). I’m being greedy, sure, but Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the league and his shitty shit-covered shit-bum defense is holding him back.

It comes down to players, and as the one who chooses his players—and who has ample opportunity for blue-chip rookies, with the picks he stashes away year after year—it’s all on Belichick. I’ll still take him as my team’s head coach but I wish he would either loosen up his unrealistic and, lately, flawed standards and appraisals and start choosing the superstars-in-waiting instead of the overachieving undrafted free agents or, in an impossible scenario, relinquish his football operations responsibilities and bring in or promote someone (not Nick Caserio, who might be able to throw a tight spiral but has done nothing to influence the organization toward can’t-miss defensive prospects) to shop for the groceries.

On that topic, a fond farewell to all-around nice guy Terry Francona. Baseball manager is the least important coaching position in all of professional sports unless the guy is also the team’s general manager, and I’m not sure if that’s even allowed. These are grown men playing a child’s game and if they refuse to take it seriously then the best a manager can do is decide who should pitch, who should hit and how many cutoff guys should be in place when Jacoby Ellsbury shags a deep fly ball with a man on second. Theo Epstein brought in a bunch of bums who couldn’t make it to the postseason again because they’re not good enough. As I said, it comes down to players and talent. It’s Theo’s job (for now… tick, tick, tick) to recognize good players. It’s not his job to pretend the Sox are a small-market team and look down upon the Monopoly-money Yankees because they overspend and don’t rely enough on value. He’d spend just as much, and could, if he just had the balls. Increasingly it seems the ownership likes to meddle and likely has a (still high) self-imposed salary cap in place, but even if that’s true it doesn’t mean John Lackey was ever Theo’s best idea. Once again I’m left to wonder what could have been if that 2004 team was left intact—I don’t remember much about 2007 anyway. In short, if Theo gets to keep his job after Tito was unceremoniously kicked to the curb then I’m pretty all set with not caring about baseball for awhile. Honestly, I haven’t in a few years anyway.

Back to football. The Jets have been talking all week about how they’re going to return to ground-and-pound football, even if they don’t have the personnel for it (though it sounds like Mangold will start, is that really a good idea?). I call bullshit on that: didn’t they see the Raiders march ninety-nine yards in forty-eight seconds to score a meaningless touchdown at the end of the last week’s game? What kind of defense allows that? Against Jason “Three Hundred Forty-four Yards” Campbell? The answer is either one that doesn’t care (part of 2009’s problem) or one that doesn’t have enough football ability. Three guys played well on defense against the Raiders: Vince Wilfork, Patrick Chung and Brandon Spikes. Shaun Ellis made it clear why the Jets cut him. Sergio Brown is not the guy I had pretty high hopes for after a strong rookie season. Devin McCourty has secretly switched places with his inferior twin brother Jason from the Titans. There is nowhere to go but up and I’m glad a shaky Mark Sanchez is the opposing quarterback this week. (I’d still take Sanchez over Joeflacco, who ceaselessly scrambled around like a retarded monkey last week and won the game because his defense was better than the Jets’.) But it’s a long, long way up.

I apologize that I’m spoiled and whining but excellence commands further, greater excellence. I just love this team so much! (I know you do, honey.) I love them so much! (I know.) On a lighter note, I’m excited the good guys are donning the classic Pat Patriot reds today. But why no cool blue and yellow New York Titans throwbacks for the Jets? It’s like they’re conceding victory already.

Up next: The Pats host the Jets in like twenty minutes. No outcome will surprise me. Cheers!