Week one
The game: Dolphins at Patriots
The beer: Oak & Iron Acorn Brown Ale
The result: Win, 21–11
The knockout: Bills win, 27–17
The commentary: Where were we?

Phase 1A
Malaise.

Phase 1B
Transition.

Phase 1C
“Vega$!”

Now that we’re caught up…

Phase 2
“Jarrett Stidham is the heir apparent to Tom Brady! Truly, he is the next great quarterback of these New England Patriots! In Bill we trust!”

Phase 3A
“Cam Newton was MVP only five seasons ago! What a savvy, Patriot-like decision to sign him! He and Stidham will push each other throughout training camp—may the best man win!”

Phase 3B
“And don’t forget Brian Hoyer! He knows the system as well as anyone and has practice-squad eligibility this year!”

Phase 4
“Newton looks lost? Stidham is hurt? Hoyer would start today? It’s only training camp! Zero preseason games! In Bill we trust!”

Phase 5
“Sure, I’ll have another brown ale. Wonderful stuff this, Agnes! Say, out of curiosity, could someone order a sampler of all the same beer? Like four four-ounce pours of the same thing? Yeah, I get that it would cost more than a pint. I know. I just wanted to see if it’s allowed.”

Phase 6A
“Cam Newton was MVP only five seasons ago! What a savvy, Patriot-like decision to start him! Bill always does what’s best for the team! T-E-A-M!”

Phase 6B
“And don’t forget Brian Hoyer! He knows the system as well as anyone and is exactly what you want in a backup!”

Phase 7 (projected, March 2021)
“Best of luck to Cam Newton! I’m glad he got that huge contract with the Bears but that’s not how the Pats operate! T-E-A-M! Truly, Jarrett Stidham will prove to be the next great quarterback of these New England Patriots! In Bill we trust!”

Phase 8 (projected, April 2021)
“The pick is in: it’s JT Daniels! What great value! He and Stidham will push each other throughout training camp—may the best man win!”

This year’s “diary” title, an amusing bit nearly run dry before graduating from music to literature last September, is taken from Hunter S. Thompson’s preamble to Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72, a reread so appropriate for 2020 that I can hardly stand it. “From an eye in the eye of the hurricane, as it were, and there is no way to do that without rejecting the luxury of hindsight. So this is more a jangled campaign diary than a record or reasoned analysis of the ’72 presidential ’20 football campaign.”

Phase 9 (projected, September 2021)
“Shit, is The Rum Diary available on Libby?”

What does this mean for a reading public who certainly has not materialized after the move from Blogger to WordPress? I hope to write more regularly and avoid posts discussing up to nine—nine!—games at once, which (until the end of my VII’th regular season, for crying out loud) used to be treated as though the “weekly reviews” weren’t compiled in one sitting. Talk about the luxury of hindsight. I also expect to work in plenty of political talk as the election draws near. Will we see a dreaded copy-and-paste of the black square following another Trump win? Or…

If decency ushers Biden into office with incontestable popular and electoral support, will there be a Protean Threat (out tomorrow; presumed 2020 strikeout now extended to Thee Ohsees) once January rolls around and Trump is no longer empowered to sic authority on Those People? I am indeed stretching with the use of “protean threat,” especially since I had to look up “protean”: “tending or able to change frequently or easily.” Isn’t “promot[ing] the orderly transfer of the executive power” in the interest of all winners of future elections, be they Democrats, cowardly Republicans or slightly less cowardly Republicans? The threat is not obstruction to change but change itself.

Phase 10 (projected, November 2020, regardless of outcome)
“Add some yellow.”

Up next: The Patriots face a mere eleven Seahawks on each side of the ball. Cheers!