Week six
The game: Broncos at Patriots
The beer: Backbeat Marcus Porter
The result: Loss, 18–12
The knockout: Ditto

Week seven
The game: 49ers at Patriots
The beer: Lexington Kentucky Pumpkin Barrel Ale
The result: Loss, 33–6

The commentary: Ask and you shall receive! No, not that bit about the knockout pool “get[ting] past the Broncos”—say a prayer for the newly discontinued “the knockout” row. Remember when saving the Patriots for later weeks was sound strategy?

Also, not Patriots Unfiltered’s Mike “D-Train” “Deuce” Dussault anticipating “exciting” football ahead of the season, as if the now-realized quarterback uncertainly were a good thing. Fred’s apparent boredom over and frustration with Mike’s one-dimensional “hot takes” might already have shitcanned the guy if breakout star Megan O’Brien weren’t destined to graduate from the show in the offseason.

(In related news, Erik Scalavino is having a good 2020. Loose, funny, Bernie… what’s not to like? But Nick “Baby” Love, who doesn’t need a nickname, probably won’t emerge so improved. If he doesn’t have the confidence to call into Tuesday’s show with more pro-Trump nonsense then it’s a sign the election will be called by midnight.)

And certainly not the stuff about getting Tom Brady some NFL-caliber targets in order for the team to succeed—we’re a year late and a different goddamn team away from that. Exciting!

(Further: The Pats were fortunate to be down only nine at the half against the Broncos. They scored nine unanswered in the fourth quarter—remember when nine unanswered points was normal? nine??—to almost “come back” in a game they had no business winning and gave the homers another week of excuses. It was their worst loss in years… until a week later when they didn’t compete for a single minute. (This defense has clearly reverted to the level I’ve complained about so often over the years that I don’t even know which post to link to. Can a man choose from among the stars of the sky?) The Bills have them where they’ve always wanted them—talk about “ask and you shall receive”—and if they somehow choke and hand the Pats their third win then the Dolphins immediately become the favorites to win the division. We’re down two of our top-three players, in whatever order, and the remainder is a shell of himself and probably usurped by James White or JC Jackson anyway. Now is the time, Bills, and if you can’t win today in Buffalo then eat shit forever. I mean: go Pats!)

No, I speak of Fuzz III, as in “I await Fuzz III with relish.” I accept that Ty Segall is capable of composing, recording and releasing an album in a week so fans can thank me for extending the challenge. So fast, even, that I have yet to download it from Bandcamp because ownership is meaningful. Perhaps Protean Threat faces its own threat after all but come on, Ty. Only one?

Up next: Ignore the polls and vote the bastard out. Happy belated Halloween!