The game: Patriots at Jets
The beer: Hopothecary (The) Guard’s Gallipot Munich Dunkel Lager
The result: Win, 42–10
The record: 13–3
The headline: “Up from the bottomless pit, this is it!” – Gravediggaz, “Pass the Shovel”

The commentary: Good early morning! Did your president start any unsanctioned, unilateral wars today?

I’ve had “Pass the Shovel” in my pocket for a couple of years, waiting, waiting, for the chance to spring it upon a doomed NFL. AFC East title reclaimed—check! Number-one seed still in play—check! Inverting (and, come Sunday, likely improving upon) the win–loss records from seasons XIV and XV—check! If only two of our best players didn’t turn out to be (alleged) domestic-abusing scumbags. I’m sure the highly moral “Handy” Bob Kraft will do the right thing and cut them both before the playoffs start, right?

Patriots will steer clear of controversial Oklahoma running back Joe Mixon
March 29, 2017

Patriots owner Robert Kraft is continuing to maintain his strong stance against domestic violence abusers. […] “While I believe in second chances and giving players an opportunity for redemption, I also believe that playing in the NFL is a privilege, not a right,” Kraft told the Herald. “For me, personally, I believe that privilege is lost for men who have a history of abusing women.”

You say there was a game? Do the Jets think so? Watching Aaron Glenn on the sidelines—is he even coaching, or just rehearsing his postgame (false) (and unearned) braggadocio? He’s never talking into his headset, never looking at a play sheet or tablet, never discussing anything with coaches or players. Instead he’s chewing gum and, I don’t know, debating another cup of coffee because it’s a long bus ride to the airport and the bathroom on that thing ran out of hand soap weeks ago. He is the leadership equivalent of free Mike Florio fiction and, with his black-on-black ensemble, might as well join these Mainers for Vest Night.

Stripling: What was it like in the Before Times?

Elder: People wore vests, and sometimes jackets over them.

Stripling: The fuck you say.

Does Glenn survive the offseason? Even the team’s End Zone Slogan Specialist is crying for help, as shown above: INSPIRE CHANGE, JETS. (Comma inferred.) The Fox broadcast—watched via NFL+ delay, remember when I tracked that for some reason?—had two laugh-out-loud moments. The first was a graphic showing Dave Portnoy, Colin Cowherd and Nick Wright in an effort to promote them as likeable hosts of worthwhile programming. The second was this wonderful color commentary from otherwise nondescript Adam Amin:

Here’s the forty-one-year-old Nick Folk, who was the kicker for the last Patriots playoff team in 2021… and the kicker for the last Jets playoff team in 2010.

🔥🔥🔥

Headline roundup? Headline roundup!

New York Jets reverse decision and reinstate fan in $100k field-goal contest after uproar
December 26, 2025

The New York Jets have reversed a decision that had barred a longtime fan from participating in a $100,000 halftime field-goal contest.

Ashley Castanio-Gervasi, a Long Island high-school soccer coach and lifelong Jets supporter, had been informed earlier this week that she was no longer eligible for the team’s “Kick for Cash” promotion because of her coaching status. […] “We realized there was an unfortunate misunderstanding regarding Ashley’s eligibility for the contest,” the team said in a statement. “In an effort to remedy the situation, we are allowing her to kick this Sunday for an opportunity to win the prize.”

“This is a bad look for an organization that should be looking for any positive PR,” [former Jets star Damien ] Woody said on [Nazi Twitter].

“Lifelong Jets supporter”… has the woman not suffered enough? Also: maybe sign her to a futures contract.

Have Patriots somehow rebooted a dynasty—and become likable?
December 28, 2025

[…] Bill Belichick. Tom Brady. Such an immovable force that spoiled fans claimed the season didn’t start until the AFC Championship Game. […] Eventually it crumbled, as all castles do. Rival fans reveled in the dysfunction as Brady bailed only to win a title in Tampa, Belichick and owner Robert Kraft’s relationship fully fractured and for five years the team bumbled about with bad picks and bad coaching just like everyone else.

[…] Now, however, they are back, acting like upstarts and underdogs.

[…] America doesn’t have to suddenly cheer for them. They are still the Patriots. They sure seem harder to hate, though.

This didn’t age well.

“Been there, won that”: Fans flock Patriots pro shop after winning AFC East title
December 29, 2025

“Been there, won that” is the new swag at the Patriots pro shop after their division title win. New England is back on top of the AFC East for the first time since 2019 and fans aren’t just celebrating the win, they’re wearing it.

[…] The pro shop in Foxboro[ugh] was packed on Monday. Fans swarmed to grab the new division title hats and shirts. “I am absolutely totally over the board,” Heather DePaola said. “I come here every division title, every AFC championship win and every Super Bowl. I have a whole collection of these hats.”

The gear, stacks of hats and rows of shirts all flew off the shelves.

[…] “The coordination that we have, it’s unbelievable,” Audrey Conner said.

Heather? Audrey? What? I covered this twenty years ago in my first month of blogging, you clowns.

2025 NFL All-Pro team picks: best players at every position
January 1, 2026

Quarterback: Drake Maye, New England Patriots
When I did my deep dive into the MVP race several weeks ago, I started with a clear mind and no strong feelings. I was surprised to find that so many of the factors I considered favored Maye, and I left that analysis with the Patriots starter as my favorite unless (or perhaps until) Matthew Stafford clearly knocked him from the top of the rankings.

[Statistical jibber-jabber.]

I stand roughly where I did three weeks ago—with everyone else beyond the top two ruled out of the race. This is Maye vs. Stafford. Last time I wrote about them, I had a very slight lean toward the Patriots standout. Right now, with one week of regular-season football to go, Maye seems like the clear choice as MVP.

“CROE,” “RYOE,” clean reamin’ out everyone, right’n your open eyeballs! I mean: [vibrating].

Up next: The Dolphins have already clinched third place in the division so they’re sitting Tua to close out the season. Happy new year!