Unfit for office: “What principles define how you live?”

The game: Dolphins at Patriots
The beer: Twisted Fate (The) Other Bubbles Dry Irish Stout
The result: Loss, 15–10
The record: 1–4
The headline: “Son of a bitch!” – Van Halen, “One Foot Out the Door”

The commentary: The reason for choosing the back half our of “Sunday One Foot” medley was the back half—har! har!—of rookie receiver Ja’lynn Polk’s right foot. Upon further review, with G’s violin practice drowning out the broadcast audio, I didn’t realize replay overturned the touchdown because the Fox graphics team was slow to update the score bug. One foot out the door? Drag. I’m just happy we’re on CBS today.

Retcon song selection logic? Captain Jacoby Brissett has fully exited. He deserved better than an offense largely assembled by former GM Bill Belichick—even Mike Reiss is admitting as much now. “Personnel missteps by the prior regime put them in a compromising position, and that will take time to rectify.” Thanks for reading, Mike!

Enter Maye, about whom I really know nothing other than that I preferred Jayden Daniels, about whom I also knew nothing. Can he score more than sixteen, twenty (with extra time), three, thirteen or ten points? If not today then among a month’s worth of upcoming mediocre opponents? People around here are already scouting top left tackles in next year’s draft—the very same people who thought Tyquan Thornton was finally putting it together in training camp. Ergo: idiots.

Kraft Sports Productions had themselves a strange few days ahead of last week’s game, though of course it’s already rinsed away like so much disposable outrage. (How Trump’s senility and racism haven’t pushed him from the election is beyond me. But her emails!) Evan Lazar perhaps spoke out of turn but Fred Kirsch set the record straight on Tuesday’s Patriots Unfiltered, admitting it was he who made the decision to pull Catch-22 and replace it with an edited version. The—again—admitted regret was refreshing in an age when honor is hard to come by, especially from our former and current MAGA nominee for the goddamn American presidency. It’s so easy to tell the truth and, if you don’t, to apologize, and Trump is plainly incapable of either. Let’s hope Kamala rolls and the hateful, manipulative Republican party fractures for good.

Come on though, “silver lining”? What are we doing?

Up next: Ladies and gentlemen, Drake Maye. Cheers!