Il Guardiano: “Tell us the last thing you got excited about”

The beer: Battery Steele Batella Mexican Lager
The headline: “I try to fill it with gold, fill it to the top.” – Cat Power, “Great Expectations”

The commentary: “Tell us.” Are we so familiar, WordPress community that doesn’t read my blog?

I can’t say it’s the last thing to excite me—this splash of Trader Joe’s Golden Vale Irish Cream in my morning coffee is pretty fucking great—but future NFL All-Pro and Super Bowl MVP TreVeyon Henderson looked a little bit of alright this month. Who am I to value running backs? I still roll my eyes whenever someone raves about Shane Vereen (My Main Man remains Kevin Faulk) but I do have eyes. If nothing else, Henderson will be fun to watch.

Overall I like the influx of potential—there’s that word!—golden talent, filled to the top, and am optimistic about eight or even nine wins this season. Am I to be run out of the region with such negativity? Time will tell, as might Cat Power’s portentous alternate “Great Expectations” lyric: “Do you look for hope in other people’s eyes? Well, that may be your worst redemption.” Shudder.

Let’s see what’s in the newspaper today. Erm, this week.

Efton Chism III to trouble for Russell Wilson: NFL preseason storylines that actually matter
August 20, 2025, 5:00 AM EDT

5:00 AM! That’s right, we’re the kind of liberals who cancel their subscription to the both-sides-ist New York Times and pay for the (free) Guardian instead, even though I have to revise the date and time format to the correct American way.

Most of the preseason is noise. Starters sit. Teams don’t game plan. Coaches roll out bland schemes, evaluating their own roster rather than attacking the opposition. But there are always some threads that have a real, actual bearing on the regular season. Here are five storylines that look like they will matter in 2025.

Well said, Oliver Connolly! Frankly, I’m impressed the Guardian employs a regular NFL columnist, never mind a decent one. Hometown storyline to the front:

The Patriots’ rookie class
No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Yes, the Patriots have another shifty slot receiver. Efton Chism III…

The third!

…has been a preseason darling. The undrafted rookie out of Eastern Washington is almost a meme of a New England slot: tough, undersized, a fidget spinner in and out of breaks, always open.

Hmm, what else is a common factor? Wes Welker, Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman… what else links them and their popularity?

With Josh McDaniels back running the offense, Chism is a lock to make the Patriots roster.

This published between the second and third preseason games so I agreed with Connolly at the time. Up to the Vikings game, though, the general non-crazy consensus was that he was on the roster bubble, and talk centered around if he could make it through to the practice squad. However, “Chism is a lock” still reads as awfully bold, especially with what follows.

And New England is sneakily deep at receiver: Stefon Diggs, Mack Hollins and Kayshon Boutte bring a nice blend of veteran know-how, toughness and explosivity. Third-round pick Kyle Williams will be an immediate downfield threat, while Chism does damage underneath. It’s a solid, varied collection of talent.

I see you read Newsweek!

Chism will probably–

“Probably”? The fuck?

–make the team ahead of Ja’Lynn Polk (second round) and Javon Baker (fourth round), two draftees from a year ago. Baker is a possible trade candidate, while the Patriots are expected to stash Polk on injured reserve after a nightmare first year in the league.

Ladd McConkey weeps.

The injection of weapons is good news for Drake Maye, who was forced to throw to the weakest crop of receivers in the league as a rookie. It’s not just the receiving corps, either. If we’re handing out preseason MVP awards, rookie running back TreVeyon Henderson would be near the top of the standings.

“If we’re handing out preseason MVP awards”—what bad ever came out of those intentions?

Henderson was initially tabbed as a third-down specialist. He was a prolific receiver at Ohio State and the best pass-protecting running back in the rookie class. But Henderson has been given a full run with the offense in preseason, showing he can anchor the early-down run game, return kicks and add some juice to the passing attack.

And hopefully hang onto the ball, unlike Rhamondre “Fumbling Machine” Stevenson and Antonio “Tell Me About It” Gibson. I hate to say the season depends on Henderson, Will “Lil’ Wing” Campbell and, of course, Drake “Open to Suggestions” Maye but if one of these three underperforms then the season is toast.

The Patriots needed their draft class to hit after last season’s debacle, in which they ended the season 4–13. So far, so good this time around.

So far, so good, so early. I look forward to Connelly and the Guardian’s NFL coverage (!) in the coming months while the Times focuses, probably, on op-ed pieces casting Jordon Hudson as a misunderstood victim. While here, let’s skip the stale Jaxson Dart/Anthony Richardson drama and look to Buffalo:

Bills defense
Buffalo spent the offseason fortifying their defensive line. But the preseason has exposed issues on the back end of the defense. […] Sean McDermott is one of the league’s best coaches when it comes to working with the secondary. […] The coach has taken sporadic shots at his safety room throughout the preseason. […] There are concerns at cornerback, too. […] For most teams, a secondary shortage would be a concern. For the Bills, it’s borderline existential.

I am here for this.

[…] Few teams are operating with as much urgency as Buffalo. Every year with Josh Allen in his prime is Super Bowl or bust. Last season, they were undone by a misfiring pass rush. They tried to address that in the offseason, but now look woefully short in the secondary.

Let’s be real: their coach is a clown, and how the win-now Bills didn’t replace him with Belichick last offseason is beyond me. Greater Buffalo has five months to approve a westward extension of Route 20A and issue “Red Ass” McDermott a one-way ticket directly into Lake Erie—only he and an AFC title have the power to halt construction. Speaking of graceless exits, and graceless aggregators, here comes Mike Florio:

Bill Belichick gets petty about Patriots owners Robert and Jonathan Kraft
August 22, 2025 9:50 AM EDT

I like that “Bill Belichick gets petty” could apply to any Belichick story in the last thirty-five years.

Usually, Bill Belichick’s snarky messages regarding the NFL teams that have no interest in his services come from his consigliere, Michael Lombardi. When it comes to dropping a turd in the New England punch bowl as Belichick prepares to embark on his first season at North Carolina, Belichick was willing to literally get his own hands dirty.

How many legacies go Ptooff! if UNC football sucks?

In an interview with Ben Volin of the Boston Globe, Belichick sings the praises of college football by taking a shot at his former bosses, Robert and Jonathan Kraft. “There’s no owner, there’s no owner’s son, there’s no [salary] cap, everything that goes with the marketing and everything else, which I’m all for that,” Belichick told Volin. “But it’s way less of what it was at that level. Generic NFL teams, you have the owner, president, general manager, personnel director, college director, pro director, cap guy, some other consultant, then head coach. I’d say when we had our best years in New England, we had fewer people and more of a direct vision. And as that expanded, it became harder to be successful.”

Mike, if you don’t take this one, I will.

Hard or not, they won six Super Bowls between 2001 and 2018. It only changed after quarterback Tom Brady left.

Blammo! Also, I would have gone with “from 2001 to 2018” there because “between 2001 and 2018” technically excludes the years 2001 and 2018. (If we really want to get technical, the “2018” season ended in 2019.) Pet peeves for the win.

In time, Belichick left, too. Not voluntarily. […] “I’ve always wanted to be in college football,” Belichick said. “I grew up in college football.” […] And now he acts like the NFL is beneath him. That college football is better. […] Which means, of course, that other NFL owners will be even less likely to hire him.

You know what will really make anyone reluctant to hire him? If UNC football sucks. No wonder so many have contempt for the media dude, especially those who want to be the story express that it was all Brady rather than roprt [sic] on the story covfefe [sic] his “unbelievable slanted and negative media” letter to Trump in 2016.

Onward. Season XVI. 2025–2026. And what am I gonna do, root for Texas goddamn Christian?

Up next: Another orchestra rehearsal means another season-opening quarter and a half at a brewery. Cheers!