The game: Chargers at Patriots
The beer: Jack’s Abby Extra Layer Winter Fest Lager
The result: Loss, 40–7
The record: 3–13
The headline: “Tie her hand behind her back and feed her some disguise.” – Boss Hog, “What the Fuck”
The commentary: I brought a date to see diary editors Boss Hog at TT the Bear’s in February 1996. (Quivvver opened! “She’s a mermaid!”) Jon Spencer, during “The Black Betty,” disrupted my flow by replacing the pre-solo “Shake your rump-ah!” with “Boss Hog!” but I still did alright in Brighton later on—that I didn’t follow up with Bikini Kill two nights later is odd, since “Rebel Girl” was in my regular rotation by then, but I think we went bowling. Good riddance.
Your 2024/2025/XV New England Patriots: how are we feeling, homers?
Hey now! Pats Pulpit, historically one of thee inter-net’s most reality-averse Patriots-related outlets, is having none of this. Matt St. Jean, the floor is yours:
While the New England Patriots may still have one game remaining in their season, I’ve seen enough to know that Jerod Mayo should not be back as head coach for next season. It is clear that he is simply not the team’s best option in 2025.
This “While-comma-then” writing style drives me crazy, never mind the fact that he’s merely starting a supposed hot take with a statement of fact about the upcoming game and a then rewritten subtitle. We’re forty-six words in and have learned nothing new.
I want to preface my argument by saying a few things.
Fifty-seven. Do I need to start editing already?
First, Jerod Mayo was not dealt a fair hand. He was handed a roster in disrepair, and he had a number of quality players traded, injured or otherwise unavailable throughout the season. Despite five selections in the top one hundred ten picks of last year’s NFL Draft, he was given just one significant rookie contributor by his general manager.
All true. And I can argue that Drake Maye shouldn’t count because he fell into their laps—had Jayden Daniels or Caleb Williams been available, he would have been the pick. Zero analysis needed.
He was asked to take on the task of rebuilding this team despite coaching for just five seasons with none at even a coordinator level.
I forgot the part about “Handy” Bob Kraft abducting Mayo’s extended family and forcing him to take the job. Pats Pulpit, of course, failed to cover the story.
Second, I think Mayo is more than capable of being a quality coach in this league, and he deserves a chance to catch on elsewhere.
OK, I haven’t really absorbed the rest of this yet, but what can he possibly have done to demonstrate he can be a quality coach? Belichick wouldn’t even make him a defensive coordinator.
He was a leader as a player, taking on every snap his rookie year and earning a captainship in his third season. He has experience in business as an executive and experience as a defensive coach. Mayo is still just thirty-eight years old, as well.
I never thought a whole lot of Mayo as a player—tackle machines grow on trees in this league—but he did win Defensive Rookie of the Year in 2008. Seems like something to have included in the previous few sentences, though I suppose you’d also have to mention that his career lasted only eight seasons and the last three ended on injured reserve. Hence: “Mayo is still just thirty-eight years old.”
This is not a eulogy of his coaching career; it’s an acknowledgement that he is not the right leader for the Patriots in this moment.
So far you haven’t said anything about his successes or failures as a head coach this season.
Third, Mayo’s legacy as a head coach takes nothing away from his accomplishments as a linebacker in New England or as a linebacker coach with the team.
This is your third of three points? What does it have to do with anything? Get on with it already.
Why the Patriots should part ways with Jerod Mayo
Oh good! The subtitle is back!
A simple argument could be made for moving on from Mayo just by looking at the overall results of the season. New England was expected to win four point five games this year by betting markets, the lowest mark in the league.
This is the lead argument?
[Discussion about projected and actual strength of schedule, plus Maye’s performance compared to Mac Jones.]
Put it all together, and the picture is clear. The Patriots have gotten better quarterback play than expected against an easier schedule than projected, and they will still come up short. Their best-case scenario involves winning a meaningless game just to match last year’s win total despite a massive upgrade at the most important position in the sport.
There is your headline, your subtitle and your lede. Well done, Matt. We’re like a third of the way through the article.
Forget arguments about fairness or needing more time;…
Done!
…this sport is about results, and these results have not been good enough. There is a bigger picture here, though.
No! Matt! You were there! You were about to get into specifics!
Even if you are willing to write off the results of this season as just part of a building and rebuilding process that was sure to have growing pains mixed with some bad luck, there are still good reasons to make a change.
Are you sure? You haven’t written them yet.
If you think I’m going to read something else before continuing then you don’t know me at all, Matt.
…that, when evaluating who should coach this team moving forward, the team itself must look forward. The goal is not to explain why things went poorly in 2024. Instead, it’s to provide a vision for success in 2025 and an explanation as for why Jerod Mayo may or may not be the right man to execute it.
What are we doing? Is this satire? A high schooler’s padded term paper? Perhaps the article should have begun “…we came in?” and ended “Isn’t this where…”
The Patriots enter the 2025 offseason with a myriad of holes on the roster, a vast amount of resources to fill them and a quarterback in need of developing. The mission is simple to describe but complicated to execute: the head coach of this team must blend a number of highly paid free agents with the existing roster while developing a young core that will likely include multiple highly drafted rookies in addition to the selections from last year.
Restatement of facts that anyone who reads Pats Pulpit is already aware of.
To achieve that goal, a coach must have a strong identity. The job involves knowing the types of players, skill sets and mentalities needed on the roster, all of which must be communicated to the personnel decision-makers and scouts. From there, the coach must work with the front office to identify both veteran and college players who have these traits, assign values to them and then work to acquire these players at the appropriate prices. Then, once acquired, the coach will need to integrate them into the playbook and into the culture of the organization. Finally, after all of that, actual football can be played, with the coach working to game-plan from week to week while developing his roster, all with the help of a trusted team of coordinators and assistants helping to execute his vision.
Someone got The Education of a Coach for Christmas!
Nothing we have seen from Jerod Mayo in 2024 gives me confidence he is the best man to handle these duties in 2025.
I would buy Matt a mixed Jack’s Abby twelve-pack if he ended the article here. Instead:
What went wrong for Jerod Mayo?
Eight hundred words later, it’s time to get serious.
I question Mayo’s vision for what he wants this team to be. You can set your clock to the head coach making a comment after a game on Sunday that he’ll have walked back by noon on Monday. Perhaps the most egregious was when he ripped his team for being “soft” after not being able to stop the run in London, only to clarify that comment later to appease media criticism. Mayo had asserted himself as a new kind of leader in New England, one not afraid to praise or criticize his players publicly depending on their play. It took less than twenty-four hours for him to undermine that message by backtracking, despite his players taking the criticism well. If his vision can be altered that quickly and that easily by those who aren’t even in the building, then how are we to have faith it is strong enough to guide the direction of an entire organization through a massive offseason?
Excellent. Well stated, though I disagree that his vision was altered. I think he doesn’t have one in the first place and speaks a whole lot of nothing to fill space, something he definitely picked up “in business as an executive.”
[Multiple examples of coaches saying one thing and doing another.] The error-repeating hasn’t just been on the coaching staff, though. Run defense has been an issue for the team all season. From a poor scheme, to poor run fits, to poor tackling, the team has underperformed in every way and at all three levels of the defense.
I disagree with your premise. “Underperformed”? Have you seen this roster? Mike “Sexual” Dussault from Patriots Unfiltered has been on this kick for two seasons, talking like a spoilt Victorian child about how disappointed he has been in the defense, “they are better than this,” etc. Bullshit. And can we have a regional discussion about the meaning of the word “consistent”? Everyone around here uses it interchangeably with “effective” or “positive”: “They need to be more consistent”; “Their performance is not consistent.” Fellas, they are consistent. Their performance is consistent. And the consistent element is lousiness.
[Multiple examples of defensive shortcomings due to a lack of talent.] Situational decision-making and play has been another area where Mayo’s lack of vision and the attention-to-detail needed to execute it have faltered.
Eliot Wolf’s name isn’t mentioned once in this article, though he’s referred to above as “[Mayo’s] general manager.” 2024’s draft is only a thumbs down instead of a middle finger thanks to Maye falling into their laps. Fire that motherfucker tomorrow.
[Multiple examples of specific coaching/gameplan missteps.] Mayo was willing to be aggressive, but his players were routinely unable or unprepared to make the right plays in key situations. This scared him into more conservative decisions that opponents exploited.
Frankly, Oskar and I were convinced since mid-October that Mayo should put his house on the market. Further Pats–Texans texting hilarity:
Jarrod: Football is fun again!
Oskar: Let’s have some stupid fun. That said, I’m afraid Mayo is stupid and not fun.
Jarrod: He doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence. Whenever they show him talking to a ref after a penalty call it looks like he’s asking if he should accept it.
Oskar: The body language and overall vibe screams doofus.
Football: not fun after all.
[…] Improvement from this point is definitely possible, especially as Mayo gains experience and confidence. But when will it come? How long must we be expected to wait to see it happen, especially with the same issues happening sixteen games into his first season that were happening at the outset?
Emphasis mine. Matt, I’m calling this your closing statement because the rest is redundant.
–30–
You’re welcome. Hey, looks like your colleague Bernd Buchmasser (!) is repurposing 2008’s “Kraft and Mayo go together” soundbite by adding “Yeah, out the door!”
‘Custodian’ Robert Kraft needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror
Bernd’s concluding sentence is “No matter the result, one has to hope he starts by looking at himself,” which tells you everything you need to know about the blog’s redundancies. Pats Pulpit: A New England Patriots community for all things New England Patriots and their fans.
Up next: Joe Milton (III) secures the top pick with ninety yards and zero touchdowns against Orchard Park High School. Happy new year!
More Cream Please 