The game: Texans at Patriots
The beer: True North Scale Breaker Pumpkin Ale
The result: Loss, 41–21
The record: 1–5
The headline: “[Needle drop.] In case of a nuclear attack.” – Man… or Astro-Man? “Maximum Radiation Level”

The commentary: “Delete the ellipsis all you want… I will put it back.” You’re goddamn right.

The needle drop is obvious but what do you want? Drake Maye is as fresh a start as any, managing to provide hope following a twenty-point loss that was never in question. But it was fun, there is optimism and the sensation cannot be described better than old friend Oskar kicking off our text exchange Sunday afternoon while my Paramount+ stream lagged a good twenty seconds behind his presumed live/cable broadcast:

Oskar: Totally in on the Maye era. All I want to see is beautiful bombs and creative interceptions.

Jarrod: I’m looking forward to an entire season of garbage time.

Seriously, this is output we haven’t enjoyed since Bill Belichick decided (and “Handy” Bob Kraft agreed) that Tom Brady was capable of winning only one more Super Bowl all by himself, which is one more than Belichick could manage in his entire career. I haven’t forgotten that the Patriots lost and looked bad doing it but, shit, keep it coming!

Since 2020, the first year playing without Tom Brady, Patriots quarterbacks have four passing touchdowns of thirty-five-plus air yards—one by Mac Jones, one by Cam Newton and now two by Maye.

(I had to mash together sentences from two different Mike Reiss articles there. Worldwide Leader? The hell you say!)

Jones “achieved” this by totaling two hundred one yards in a 15–10 win over the Jets in 2023 while Newton exploded for three hundred sixty-five in a 27–20 loss to the damn Texans in 2020. See? Maye even scored more points than those hacks! Who cares if he needs a history lesson—Andrew Bucholtz at friggin Awful Announcing has been dying to crib from Wikipedia on the subject.

At least he studied “business administration, operations and management” [at UNC], not history.

OK Andrew. You and Drew Lerner should check out that Patriots Unfiltered episode for context around team sources and cover-ups, then go back to writing blasé sports-adjacent commentary about Donald Trump that don’t end with “At least he incited an insurrection, is a convicted felon and continues to lie about four-year-old election results.”

Ahem. The defense sucks. The offensive line barely exists. Jerod Mayo, Alex Van Pelt and DeMarcus Covington seem like buffoons. But the rookie quarterback? The touchdowns? The air yards?? Totally in on the Maye era.

Up next: Half nine at Wembley. Cheers!