The game: Patriots at Steelers
The beer: Long Trail Hibernator Ale
The result: Win, 21–18
The method: NFL+
The record: 3–10
The headline: “Has the world gone mad or is it me?” – Hawkwind, “Master of the Universe”
The commentary: Hawkwind, as related throughout Hawkwind: Days of the Underground—Radical Escapism in the Age of Paranoia, was unpopular with the press. So am I—take it away, Bill!
“Fire Bill Belichick? Bench Mac Jones? What’s next for Patriots”
Bill Barnwell, ESPN
November 13, 2023
I like that “fire Belichick” and “bench Mac” are two examples of Earth-shattering potential scenarios. In terms of significant news it’s the political (stay tuned!) equivalent of “Trump concedes election” versus “Trump pardons turkey.”
The New England Patriots would like to know when they can stop hitting rock bottom.
I see Barnwell is also a fan of UFO. Rock & roll!
Things were bad after consecutive thirty-point losses to the Cowboys and Saints, but an upset victory over the Bills was supposed to right the ship.
Nobody—no sensible body—was fooled by the exception that proved the rule, Jazzy and Mudhoney included. “Good enough” for a whole week.
Instead, the Pats have lost three straight since their home win over Buffalo, including an ugly 10–6 loss to the Colts on Sunday morning in Germany. [Summarizes Colts meltdown.]
At 2–8, the once-proud Patriots have the worst record in the AFC. They’ve been outscored by ninety-seven points. […] The Pats look utterly broken on offense, and their quarterback looks to be getting worse each week.
I guess one way to become an ESPN Staff Writer is to rephrase the same sentiments for thousands of words. For reasons of fair-use deniability I am trimming the man’s fat.
A year ago, there was an easy solution: move on from the ill-advised decision to hire Matt Patricia and Joe Judge to run the offense. Now, having replaced them with Bill O’Brien, Belichick is in a thornier situation. […] Belichick’s mercurial decisions with personnel usage from week to week are growing harder to understand, and they go over much better when his teams are winning than they do when they look lost.
Or: they go over much better when the greatest quarterback of all time is compensating for them.
With New England in the middle of a lost season, five seasons removed from its most recent playoff victory, and about to hit its bye week, there are going to be some tough conversations happening over the next several days. Should the Patriots really plan to fire or otherwise move on from Belichick—who has won six Super Bowl titles for the organization—either now or after the season? Should they permanently bench Jones, who is off the franchise quarterback track after excelling as a rookie? Everything feels up in the air.
Not up in the air: Barnwell’s affinity for starting sentence with prepositions and conditionals.
[…] To understand what team owner Robert Kraft should do, you have to understand how this team got here.
He’s going to link to my archives, right?
And while it might be simple to cast their decline around the departure of Tom Brady…
Bingo!
…the problems afflicting this organization began while Brady was still winning Super Bowls there.
Seth Wickersham already wrote this.
It starts with the personnel
Throughout the majority of the Brady era, Belichick and the Patriots thrived by restocking the roster with draft picks. Belichick trading down throughout the draft repeatedly generated extra picks, giving the Patriots added capital even as they picked at the bottom of each round. […] Drafting and developing talent was at the heart of the Patriot Way.
Drafting and developing, in addition to identifying, are three very different things.
[…] There inevitably was going to be a reset when Brady left, and the Patriots were going to need to rebuild their roster.
The team was not obligated to suck upon Brady’s departure, whenever and however it happened. Successful roster management and the presence of a developmental quarterback—a long-term plan, for crying out loud—might have averted the possibility of a 3–10 record four years later.
[…] They needed to land star power in the draft to build a new core. They haven’t. I’ll go from 2015 to 2022, which gives us eight years of drafts.
Eight years? Come on. Barnwell proceeds to plagiarize much of “Twelve years of three rounds of Bill Belichick draft picks” (flattery, etc.), nicely reframing my aggregations as a rhetorical summary.
The Patriots had twenty-eight picks in the top three rounds of those drafts. While a team can get lucky and land on a standout in the later rounds, those first three rounds are where a franchise typically is going to find key players. Some of these players played roles in helping New England win Super Bowls, but ask yourself this: how many of them were valued as significant players at the end of their rookie deals, either by the Patriots or another team? Did they earn a second contract for market-value money? If they’re still on their rookie deal, are they on pace to get one?
Barnwell values trading pick for established players more than I do—the reason for why we’re here is failure to evaluate college talent that can potentially help your team win for a decade.
First-round picks
I’m cutting this whole section, even the “conversation” about post-Cream 2022 picks because I’ve complained enough about Cole Strange. Barnwell might as well implement emoji ratings—maybe his attorneys should study fair use.
[…] Did picking toward the bottom of the first round hurt the Patriots? Could we find better players who were taken after those picks? Of course. Even if we just take the very next player off the board at those respective positions, though, New England can’t feel good about who it landed. Would it be better off if it had selected Eddie Goldman, Braden Smith, Nick Chubb, Deebo Samuel, Kyle Trask and Cam Jurgens?
I like this exercise. Also: holy fuck.
What about the second round?
Please don’t.
[…] The meme of Belichick wasting his second-round picks on defensive backs who can’t play exists for a reason.
And honest-to-goodness meme? Like with Impact text? I’m skipping this too, with enough cranky ones and zeros devoted to Tyquan Thornton.
[…] Again, what would have happened if the Patriots had just taken the next guy who came off the board at each respective point of these selections? It’s not quite as clear of a gap, but the would-be Pats are better. […] James Bradberry, Grant Delpit, Willie Gay, Alim McNeill and particularly George Pickens are all players the Patriots would love to add right now.
Probably, but Pickens seemed to want no part of Thursday’s game.
[…] Belichick also sent a second-rounder to the Falcons for Mohamed Sanu in a deal that looked bad at the time and aged terribly.
It didn’t look that bad at the time—Belichick overpaid, sure, but the offense was in desperate need of somebody. I’ve got two breweries in town, Mohamed.
The Pats had a whopping fourteen third-round selections to fill out their roster. How did it go?
What do you think?
[…] Most of the players here didn’t have significant pro careers. It’s OK to not land stars in the third round, but a team is at least hoping to add players who will be rotational contributors.
Plagiarism.
[…] In all, that’s twenty-eight players who should be making up a significant portion of the Patriots’ roster. […] In that eight-year span, the Patriots didn’t land a single star on the upper end of the positional spectrum.
Welcome to the party, pal.
The good news is Belichick did appear to land a star with his first-round pick in 2023. Cornerback Christian Gonzalez was a revelation early, only to suffer a serious shoulder injury against the Cowboys.
Of course he traded down first à la Jerod Mayo. If you like him so much then just take him!
Are the draft classes proof Belichick is no longer capable of both coaching and running the personnel department? His former boss, Bill Parcells, famously once left the Patriots because he wasn’t allowed to “shop for the groceries.” Should the Patriots take away Belichick’s shopping privileges, even if doing so causes him to quit? Maybe.
That’s my passive-aggressive scheme.
[…] If another general manager had Belichick’s past eight…
Twelve. Now fourteen.
…classes of drafts on his résumé, he would be out of a job. […] Belichick was an excellent drafter earlier in his career.
This is often presented as fact and I don’t buy it. Judge for yourself, beginning with (ahem) Adrian Klemm.
Did he suddenly lose his ability to identify talent?
Time is a flat circle. Barnwell goes on about the free-agent spending spree of 2021—“the veteran coach sprayed money across the board” (gross)—but that’s not the reason we’re here. Draft hits can overcome free-agency misses but the reverse course is not a long-term solution.
The Belichick doghouse
And now: criticism of Belichick the coach. Barnwell must be paid by the word whereas I am paid by the bracketed ellipsis.
More than any other team in football, the Patriots suffer from bizarre, impenetrable stretches of player usage that don’t seem tied to any sort of rhyme or reason. […] Belichick has a lengthy history of benching players after they make mistakes. […] If you fumble, struggle or make a mental mistake and you’re not
an irreplaceable player…
“…a seasoned veteran respected around the league…”
…there’s a good chance Belichick is going to pull you out of the game. […] The Patriots don’t have many irreplaceable players these days, and you saw Belichick’s emotions get the better of him when he benched Jones. […] There was little point in turning to a cold Bailey Zappe outside of punishing the starter for his mistake.
Now he’s plagiarizing Rep. Jamie Raskin.
[…] Making dramatic decisions about who he’s going to play, being gruff about it with the media and instilling a culture of mistake-free football is great if it works. If it doesn’t, the Patriots could end up with something like the Matt Patricia era in Detroit, where a coach without Belichick’s gravitas loses his locker room, doesn’t adapt and ends up costing himself a job.
Yes, but will he criticize a reporter’s posture?
Does the Patriots’ winning formula still exist?
Is it really a formula with only one component?
During the Brady era, the Patriots developed a well-earned reputation for executing at a high level. […] Brady helped, of course, but many of those areas were outside of the quarterback’s purview.
Oh please. Belichick, often: “The players play and the coaches coach.” Barnwell goes on about various non-Brady elements of the game that have coincidentally degraded since he went to Tampa.
A very familiar coaching staff
[…] There’s nothing wrong with bringing through your own coaches when you’re the best to ever do it, but as the Patriots falter now, especially on the offensive side of the ball, is it fair to wonder whether they need some semblance of new blood or a creative mind who hasn’t learned under Belichick?
Admittedly I’m skimming at this point but Barnwell never seems to posit that Belichick might have been nothing without Brady.
[…] I don’t have those same concerns about the defense, because it has been the saving grace for the Pats over the past few seasons.
The defense is good enough most of the time, as when superior teams have no strategic need to open up. Just don’t expect much when “the saving grace” is tasked with shutting down a game-winning drive.
What happens when teams fire a legendary coach?
Black Monday is right around the corner!
[…] Do those organizations typically land on smart replacements? Do the coaches have another act elsewhere? […] Don Shula […] Tom Landry […] Andy Reid […] Vince Lombardi […] Chuck Noll […] Bill Parcells […] Tom Coughlin […] Mike Shanahan […] Tom Flores […] Joe Gibbs […] George Seifert […] Bill Walsh. […] It’s extremely rare for a truly legendary coach to have a season as bad as the one Belichick is enduring.
Mark Twain or William Allen White suggested substituting “very” (or any adverb) with “damn” so the editor/proofreader would strike it for you. So: “It’s damn rare for a damn legendary coach to have a season as bad as the one Belichick is enduring.”
What should the Patriots do now?
[…] Assuming the Pats don’t make a dramatic recovery…
‼️
…let’s go over their various big decisions and what would or would not make sense. That starts with their coach.
I’ll help out, man. Should be easy.
Should they fire Belichick? I don’t believe they should.
Wrong! Stupid!
Should they fire O’Brien? […] I would endorse him sticking around.
Wrong again!
Should they bench or move on from Jones? […] The Patriots can’t head into 2024 with Jones as their unquestioned starter.
Correct! Woot!
OK, what are the moves the Patriots should make? […] I would argue it’s time to bring in at least one experienced mind from outside the organization to play a meaningful role in player personnel.
Wrong! 💣
[…] Will adding new voices to help Belichick and playmakers for Jones fix the Patriots? Maybe not.
Maybe not??
They might require a more thorough overhaul. Belichick might not be the coach he once was. The roster might be too far gone. Jones might just not be a very good quarterback, even if he looked like a guy who could hold his own in 2021.
Might? Might? Might? Might??
As I look closer at their situation, it’s tough to avoid remembering how this has really only been a recent run of dismal results for the Patriots.
Maybe so, but in which direction are we trending? Where are signs of improvement? Must we settle for mediocrity
[…] Fans understandably aspire to more than a solid record and a playoff berth, but I don’t think Belichick is a materially different coach now than the one he was over most of the prior two seasons.
I tagged my first “fire Belichick” post in October 2021, and only so late because I hadn’t thought of it yet.
Firing him would create more problems for the franchise, both now and in the years to come.
That’s your conclusion? What are we doing? Barnwell’s salary must have a ceiling as seven thousands words lead to “This sucks but could be worse or something.” Barnwell introduces a series of problems, assesses them one at a time, gaslights us by declaring them unserious problems and then gets the fuck out of dodge before speculating what his own “more problems” even are. Barnpoor. Next!
“Patriots timeline: From the Tom Brady Super Bowl era to 2–10”
Mike Reiss, ESPN
December 7, 2023
That’s a quality subtitle, four years distilled to a coldblooded prepositional phrase. How Mike kept this long-form piece from getting hidden behind the paywall is beyond me.
When the New England Patriots shocked the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Championship Game on January 20, 2019—prevailing 37–31 in overtime—it was fair to wonder if the winning would ever stop. […] Fast forward to November 12, 2023. […] How has it all fallen apart for Belichick and the Patriots?
Should I just jump to March 2020?
[…] A slow erosion of high-end talent is at the root of the decline, combined with a rocky offensive coaching transition in 2022, and the near-impossible task of replacing an all-time great quarterback. Here are the most significant developments and dates that, when pieced together, form a picture of the franchise’s fall.
Mike did the work but I’ll distill these to bullets in order to avoid pushing my luck with ESPN. Bracketed ellipses presumed throughout, with the understanding that Belichick is behind the lot of it.
2019: coming off third championship in five seasons
March 24, 2019 – Tight end Rob Gronkowski retires.April 25, 2019 – Receiver N’Keal Harry and cornerback Joejuan Williams are drafted.
August 4, 2019 – Brady signs a contract extension that boosts his pay by $8 million but voids the 2020 and 2021 seasons.
September 7, 2019 – The team signs volatile receiver Antonio Brown to a one-year deal.
September 20, 2019 – Brown is released as he faces sexual misconduct allegations.
October 22, 2019 – The Patriots trade a second-round pick to the Falcons for veteran receiver Mohamed Sanu.
October 27, 2019 – Brady, frustrated with the level of talent on the team, tells NBC “I have to be the most miserable 8–0 quarterback in the history of the league.”
January 4, 2020 – The Patriots lose to the Titans 20–13 in the wild-card round of the playoffs after finishing the regular season 12–4.
2020: replacing Brady with Cam Newton
March 17, 2020 – After two months of speculation, Brady announces he’s leaving the team.June 29, 2020 – The Patriots sign former Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton to a one-year deal.
September 20, 2020 – In a 35–30 Sunday Night Football loss, Newton goes thirty of forty-four for three hundred ninety-seven yards with one touchdown and one interception, and adds forty-seven rushing yards and two touchdowns.
October 5, 2020 – Newton is among players who test positive for COVID-19.
November 20, 2020 – Belichick tells SiriusXM NFL Radio that in 2020, due to “spending… in prior years,” he and the organization “just haven’t been able to have the kind of depth on our roster that we’ve had in some other years.”
December 20, 2020 – With a loss to the Dolphins, the Patriots are eliminated from playoff contention for the first time since 2008. They finish 7–9. Belichick stood by Newton as his starter throughout the season despite the team finishing twenty-seventh in points per game, thirtieth in passing yards and thirtieth in interceptions.
February 7, 2021 – Brady and the Buccaneers win Super Bowl LV. You left this one out, Mike, but I’m here for you.
2021 offseason: big spenders, drafting QB Mac Jones
March 12, 2021 – Newton returns on a one-year deal.March 15, 2021 – Flush with salary cap space, the team spends a record amount of guaranteed money in free agency.
March 31, 2021 – “Handy” Bob Kraft: “The teams who draft well are the ones who will be consistently good. I don’t feel like we’ve done the greatest job the last few years, so this was our best opportunity.”
April 12, 2021 – Receiver Julian Edelman retires.
April 29, 2021 – Alabama quarterback Mac Jones is selected number fifteen overall in the NFL draft.
August 24, 2021 – Newton is not with the team due to an NFL-mandated five-day reentry process for unvaccinated players.
August 25, 2021 – In Newton’s absence, Jones connects on fourteen straight passes at one point as well as back-to-back touchdowns in a joint practice with the New York Giants in Foxborough.
We were there for this. Remember the Daniel Jones guy?
2021 regular season: Jones takes over, Pats lead AFC
August 31, 2021 – Newton is cut, making Jones the starter.October 3, 2021 – Brady returns to Gillette Stadium for the first time as a visitor. The Buccaneers win 19–17.
December 6, 2021 – Jones throws the ball three times and beats the Bills 14–10 in Buffalo for the team’s seventh straight win. They are 9–4 and the AFC’s top seed.
January 2, 2022 – The Pats clinch the playoffs as the sixth seed.
January 15, 2022 – And are blown out by the Bills 47–17 in the wild-card round. They finish 10–8 with Jones throwing twenty-two touchdowns and twelve interceptions.
2022 offseason: big coaching changes, ineffective draft
January 31, 2022 – Offensive coordinator/quarterbacks coach Josh McDaniels becomes head coach of the Raiders.April 18, 2022 – Belichick assigns longtime defensive coach Matt Patricia to replace McDaniels, with longtime special teams coach Joe Judge as quarterbacks coach.
April 28, 2022 – In the first round of the draft, the Patriots trade down eight spots and take unheralded Chattanooga guard Cole Strange.
April 29, 2022 – In the second round, they trade up for Baylor receiver Tyquan Thornton.
2022 regular season: quarterback shuffle
September 25, 2022 – The Patriots start the regular season 1–2. Jones is off to a slow start and shows frustration at times. He suffers a high ankle sprain near the end of a week three loss to the Ravens.October 2, 2022 – Veteran quarterback Brian Hoyer starts their week four road game against the Packers but leaves early with a concussion. He gives way to rookie Bailey Zappe, who throws one touchdown in a 27–24 overtime loss.
October 9–16, 2022 – With Jones still sidelined, Zappe starts in a 29–0 home win over the Lions and a 38–15 road win over the Browns.
October 24, 2022 – Jones starts at home for Monday Night Football against the Bears but doesn’t seem one hundred percent. He is pulled after the third series with the team down 10–0. Zappe quickly leads two touchdown drives for a brief 14–10 lead until the Bears roar back to win 33–14. Jones returns as the starter the following week.
January 8, 2023 – In Buffalo, Jones throws three touchdowns and three interceptions as the Patriots lose 35–23. They finish 8–9 and miss the playoffs. Jones is well off the pace of his rookie season.
2023 offseason: Bill O’Brien returns, questionable roster moves
January 9, 2023 – The Krafts send a letter to season-ticket holders: “We can assure you that no one in our organization is satisfied with the results from this past season. In the weeks ahead, we will be making critical evaluations of all elements of our football operation as we strive to improve and return to the playoffs next year.”January 12, 2023 – A press release about contract extension discussions with linebackers coach Jerod Mayo leads to speculation that he could be Belichick’s eventual successor.
January 26, 2023 – Bill O’Brien is hired as offensive coordinator.
March 10, 2023 – Safety Devin McCourty retires. Big whoop.
March 14, 2023 – Jakobi Meyers signs with the Raiders in free agency despite a desire to stay in New England. The Patriots sign the Chiefs’ JuJu Smith-Schuster, who is coming off a knee injury, to take his place.
March 15, 2023 – In need of bolstering their offensive line, the Patriots sign veterans Riley Reiff and Calvin Anderson. They’ve appeared in a total of six games with two combined starts this season.
March 27, 2023 – “Handy” Bob: “I still believe in Bill. We’re about winning. It’s very important to me that we make the playoffs.”
June 28, 2023 – The Patriots sign receiver DeVante Parker to an extension.
July 24, 2023 – And fail to sign free agent DeAndre Hopkins.
2023 regular season: Jones flops, losses pile up
October 1, 2023 – Jones implodes in the third quarter of a 38–3 loss to the Cowboys. Matthew Judon and Christian Gonzalez sustain serious injuries. Belichick, afterward: “We’re a lot better team than we showed.”October 8, 2023 – Jones again is pulled in the third quarter and the team loses 34–0 at home against the Saints.
November 12, 2023 – In Germany, Jones throws a late fourth-quarter interception against the Colts and is pulled from the game. Belichick inserts Zappe with under two minutes remaining, deep in his own territory. Zappe fails to lead a comeback and the Patriots lose 10–6.
November 26, 2023 – Following the bye, Jones is pulled at halftime of a 10–7 loss to the Giants. Jones: “If the quarterback doesn’t play well, you got no chance.”
December 3, 2023 – The Patriots lose 6–0 at home to the Chargers and fall to 2–10, the most losses for the franchise since 2000 (Belichick’s 5–11 initial season here). They have totaled thirteen points in the past three games.
This one ends abruptly as well—I guess ESPN is big on inverted pyramids and brick walls. How’s about Politico?
“The Patriots are so bad it’s finally OK to campaign in New Hampshire during games”
Lisa Kashinsky, Politico
December 11, 2023
Quasi-political diversion!
For years it’s been considered an act of electoral sacrilege to campaign in New Hampshire during Patriots games.
Also electoral sacrilege: voting Republican, but you know that.
But the New England football team…
American football? Got it.
…is so atrocious this season that some candidates are weighing whether to do the once unthinkable: place politics over pigskin.
These monsters will place politics over anything—equal rights, machine-gunned children, etc. Don’t put it past them to take advantage of subpar competition on NFL Sundays.
“It’s still a deciding factor even though it’s a bad season,” said Fred Doucette, a senior adviser to Vivek Ramaswamy’s campaign in New Hampshire. “We still try to schedule around it. But it has a lesser effect than it would have had two years ago.”
Fred Doucette and Vivek Ramaswamy suck cocks in hell. Less effect than two years ago, huh? How about three years ago, what happened then?
Doucette, a twenty-four-year season ticket holder, isn’t exaggerating.
It’s not like he called 9/11 an inside job or anything. Not on the record, at least.
Back when the Patriots were good, the three hours a week the team marched down the field in Foxboro[ugh] was sacred, can’t-miss TV.
I’ve been watching this team on multi-hour delay for twenty years.
And candidates and campaigns knew it. Instead of speaking to voters in New Hampshire, candidates used game time to do national media hits or call donors in other states.
Reminder that New England, as a region, is comprised of six states:
- Maine
- New Hampshire
- Massachusetts
- Half of Connecticut
- Pawtucket, Rhode Island
- My own self-importance
But now the Patriots are just plain bad—a primetime win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday notwithstanding. And the team’s 3–10 record—its worst since 1993—isn’t just prompting pining for Tom Brady or challenging the idea of Bill Belichick’s genius.
Lisa, have you not seen the blog?
It’s altering campaign schedules, too.
Altering campaign schedules of people who have no chance at the Republican nomination, never mind the White House. Who cares?
“There are definitely cycles where it’s like, OK, clear Sunday afternoon,” Fergus Cullen, a former New Hampshire GOP chair, said. “It’s gotten so bad that the Pats are no longer clear-the-calendar events.”
Fergus Cullen, if that is his real name, may be a former New Hampshire GOP chair but he is not a former Republican. Hell is getting hot!
As the Patriots take beating after once unfathomable beating, at least two candidates have already come off the sidelines. Ramaswamy and [Democrat] Rep. Dean Phillips both campaigned during games, the former door-knocking in Londonderry late last month as the Patriots fell to the New York Giants, and the latter dropping in on businesses in Portsmouth during last Sunday’s loss to the Los Angeles Chargers.
The incumbency-challenging Phillips will earn as many votes in liberal stronghold Portsmouth as the Pats scored against the Chargers… whenever the damn no-longer-first-in-the-nation primary is even held. Nice going, Dean.
Still, not everyone is willing to risk the wrath of Bob Kraft.
Orchids of Asia Day Spa on line one!
Most of the higher-polling candidates have kept off the trail in New Hampshire during football Sundays, at least based on public schedules for Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley.
What a goddamn deplorable party.
And former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie—a Cowboys fan—scoffed at the notion of campaigning against the team’s games, no matter how awful they are.
In fairness, the New York Giants won’t call New Jersey home so I’d jump to a division rival as well, although how far can an obese boot-licker really jump?
“No. I think the fans, even though they’re bad, still like to watch,” Christie said after a recent campaign event that very much was not during a Patriots game. “And I think if you try to campaign during the games, you’re asking for trouble.” Christie barely made the last debate stage. But even he is faring better this fall than the Patriots.
This would be true if the Pats were losing every game by fifty-nine points.
The former governor sits in third place on average in polls of likely New Hampshire GOP primary voters. New England, meanwhile, ranks dead last in the AFC with just four games left in the regular season. On Sunday, the team was knocked out of playoff contention.
But sure, Christie is still alive. It’s OK to say both are performing poorly.
In Belichick (and now-benched quarterback Mac Jones, for that matter), New England no longer trusts. And lower-polling candidates are trying to capitalize on it.
Trying to capitalize on a regional reputation for untrustworthiness? You know Belichick is a Trump supporter, right?
Sending Ramaswamy door-knocking through a southern New Hampshire neighborhood during the Patriots’ game against the Giants last month was a calculated choice, his campaign advisers said. Voters are more likely to be home during a game, even if making them miss a touchdown risks losing a potential supporter.
Ramaswamy doesn’t know what a touchdown is because he’s polling at four points.
It appeared to work out for Ramaswamy, who was seen in photos posted online chatting up a man clad in a long-sleeve “Do Your Job” (the Patriots’ motto) tee-shirt that looked to be a relic from Brady’s heyday.
Congratulations, internet sensation in a six-year-old shirt.
Katie Dolan, a spokesperson for Phillips’ campaign, said it’s “obviously a pro/con situation” to door-knock or hold events during a game. But when Phillips held a meet-and-greet in Portsmouth last Sunday as the Patriots kicked off against the Chargers, “we didn’t have any problems drawing a crowd,” she said.
Technically, anything more than a lone Ramaswamy tolerator is a crowd.
Not long after, the Patriots were blown out at home.
Ramaswamy dreams of losing by six points.
Chris Sununu, the New Hampshire governor who’s acted as somewhat of a campaign sherpa for the presidential hopefuls trekking across his state, told Politico that campaigning during Patriots games is only acceptable when it isn’t overt. “Sometimes you go to Market Basket, you sit outside and say hi to people. Well, no one goes to the grocery store during the game,” Sununu said. “A good place to do it is if you’re going to go to a brewery.”
How is it not overt to interrupt one’s game and sampler flight?
Candidates have indeed been running that play for years. Days before the 2022 general election, Sen. Maggie Hassan followed up a reelection campaign rally with Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg and Sen. Amy Klobuchar in downtown Nashua by taking Klobuchar to the brewery up the street. They chatted with voters and knocked back beers as the Patriots’ game played on no less than four screens around the place.
Fewer. No fewer than four screens. Anyway, even Democrats I admire can have errors in judgment, though they generally don’t result in attacks on the US Capitol.
During his first presidential run in 2016, Christie and then-Manchester Mayor Ted Gatsas went to a sports bar during a game to do much the same. But Christie said that’s the one and only time he’s ever tried to take on the Patriots. “I always ask when are the Patriots games, and we don’t do it,” Christie told Politico after speaking to voters who packed into a Hampton BBQ joint to hear him on a recent Thursday night when the Patriots were not playing.
Yeah, not too many primetime games this year. Drag.
“You try to do something like this during a Patriots game,” he said, gesturing to the dining room behind him, and “you’ll be sitting here by yourself.”
Just like the man who answered his door during a goddamn Patriots game.
Editor’s note: The author of this story is a Patriots fan—as much as it hurts right now.
Now that’s an ending.
Up next: May the pedantic community of virgins that comprise Discogs’s “voting board” note that it’s “In Search of Chiefs,” not “Xin Search of Chiefs.” Cheers!
More Cream Please 